ONE

Fear is a funny thing.
And of course by "funny", I mean not funny at all.

Now that I'm really advocating for New Horizons and orphan hosting.... and of course by "advocating", I mean spamming facebook.... I think I can safely say that the majority of people I've talked to fall into 3 general categories.

1. They're interested in theory in orphan hosting, but at this point in their lives it's just not for them. Could be a spouse just lost a job, there's a new baby in the family, or they want to wait until their own kids are older. Maybe they were involved with an exchange student program and it didn't go well, and now they're a little gun shy. Maybe they're already over-committed with bible studies, ball practice, homework, school activities, work, errands, and church; and just can't fit anything else on their "family plate". Maybe they're heavily involved with other ministry opportunities and don't want to "divide their loyalties".
I get it. I totally do.

2. They're totally NOT interested in hearing about the program or the "plight of orphans in Eastern Europe". These are sometimes the same ones who think I'm unpatriotic-- somehow less of an American because I'm not "taking care of my own." (Yes, that is a direct quote.)
Maybe they're afraid I'm going to preach at them. Maybe they're really struggling with their own drama, battling their own demons- and they can't handle someone else's.
Maybe they don't want to hear about it because they're afraid they'll be called to do something.

And that brings me to my 3rd category... FEAR.

3. I wonder, of all the people we talk to about New Horizons, how many are held back by fear? How many don't respond.... how many don't host.... how many don't donate.... how many don't share.... how many choose to not participate....
because of fear---
because of uncertainty---
because it puts them in unfamiliar territory---
because it upsets their comfortable routine---
because it's not something they can do on their own---
because it requires a great deal of trust---
because it's easier to ignore the problem, pretending it's not there; than it is to get involved.

After all, it's just ONE kid, right?
ONE orphan who's already been written off by his own family.
ONE boy... ONE girl... who's culture looks upon them as worthless... unworthy... troublemakers... somehow responsible for their orphan status.
ONE who is overlooked.... underestimated.... ignored.... cast aside.
ONE child who doesn't really know what he's missing, does he?

What difference is it really going to make?

If YOU were that ONE... what difference would it make to you?

Matthew 25:44-45 (The Message)
 ⁴⁴ Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?

 ⁴⁵ He will answer them, "I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me."

Vacation?

Since returning home from my trip, I've had a lot of people ask me how it went.
I've found some of their phrasing a little strange.

It may not really be indicative of anything, but I've found it interesting nonetheless.
"Did you have fun?" and "Did you have a good time?" are the ones I find the most thought provoking.

Maybe that's just what people ask when they know you've been away.... maybe that's just what they think they're supposed to say.... or what they ask when they think they're expected to comment, but don't really care about the answer.
Maybe I'm being completely unreasonable and  reading WAY too much into the words people use and need to instead, be glad they asked and thankful for the opportunity to share about New Horizons. (Yeah, that's probably it.)

For the record, I DID have fun, and I DID have a good time.... but this wasn't a vacation.
This wasn't a trip to the Bahamas.

On this trip I visited orphanages that smelled like 3 week old boiled cabbage and unwashed bodies.
I slept in a hotel that smelled like dead, decaying rats complete with faded leopard print sheets and bed bugs.
I met children who, upon turning 16, will "graduate" from their orphanage with little chance of living past their next birthday.
I spent a week in a van that didn't have any heat in the 2nd and 3rd rows, in a country that was experiencing record breaking cold.
I met children under the age of 12, who had already started smoking.
I wore the same jeans for 6 days in a row and washed my socks and underwear in the sink.
I met girls, who upon "graduating", will turn to prostitution as a way to stay alive.
I tried squid flavored potato chips. And yes, they are as NASTY as they sound.
I played UNO with kids who have NEVER known the love of a mother.
I met an orphanage director who didn't want anything to do with our program because there was a chance "her" kids might be adopted.
I showered in bathrooms that smelled like a sewer.
I met children who had been abandoned by a parent because they were seen as an inconvenience.

But I also met a boy in Latvia who had such a great sense of humor, I nearly wet my pants from laughing.
I met orphanage directors who loved their kids and were eager to hear about New Horizons.
I met kids who practically begged to come to America.
I got to surprise Mareks with my visit to Riga. (It took nearly 10 minutes on the phone to convince him that I was actually there.)
I met an orphanage director who is actively pursuing educational/job training opportunities for his "graduates."
I visited orphanages that had medical and nutritional personnel on staff.... a speech therapist... an area for physical therapy... laptops... exercise equipment.
I met a brother/sister duo who were so personable and quite frankly, blew me away.... I wanted to hide them in my suitcase and smuggle them home.
I saw AMAZING artwork, needlework, paper crafting, beadwork, woodwork, sewing projects-- all done by the kids we were interviewing.
I got to see parts of the world that I never would have seen otherwise.
I met a boy with spina bifida and other medical issues, who's very life may depend on him being adopted.
I tried Borsch... and I liked it!
I spoke with kids who wanted to know about me, and my life, and life in America.
I met a girl who intervened for another who was being picked on, standing up to a "popular girl" at her orphanage.
I met a boy who wanted to "friend me" on facebook.
I met children who wanted to be teachers.... an engineer.... an architect.... a doctor.... a dancer....
I met kids who were proud of their accomplishments.
I drank enough tea in which I could sink the Titanic.
I played games with kids who wanted to hold my hand-- even though they didn't know me.
I spoke with 16 year olds who are too old to be adopted- and they know it--- and it breaks my heart.
I met kids who when hypothetically given 3 wishes... time and time again, their 1st wish was to have a family.

No, this wasn't a vacation.

But it beats Disney any day.

Saying Goodbye

I'm trying to decide what YOU want to hear about my trip.
The food?
What the orphanages themselves were like?
The kids?
The orphanage directors?
Our schedule?
The weather?
Our accommodations?
I don't know, so I'm just going to jump in.

It was harder to leave home than I thought it was going to be.
Much harder.
Rick and I took the boys to school Monday morning and I walked them in... and I cried.
2 weeks without seeing their sweet faces, feeling their arms around my neck, sweaty boy hands in mine.
UGH! I wanted to go... I was excited to go... but OHHHHH I was going to miss them!

So it was just Rick and I headed towards the airport.
One of the fundraisers New Horizons does to help with interview trip costs is to offer to carry over care packages to UKR and LAT and deliver them to the host kids. For a fee- depending on the size of the care package, we'll get it to the right country, and in some cases (if it's an orphanage we're revisiting) we'll personally deliver it and take a picture.
There were only 2 of us receiving packages for Ukraine; myself and another team member in Colorado.
She got about 13 packages... I got close to 40... most of them gallon size Ziploc bags... many of them stuffed to the gills... some of them unbelievably heavy.

So packing was an issue.
I had to find suitcases that were 1. within the airline's size restrictions and 2. would hold as much as possible without going over the weight limit. I had over 120 lbs of care packages. Each suitcase could weigh no more than 50 lbs or there would be an extra fee  So at one point, to get everything under the weight limit I had 3 bags to check that consisted solely of care packages, 1 rolling carry on that had my stuff in it, and a backpack.  Of course, theres also an additional fee for checking more than one bag, so even thought I had them under the weight limit, I still had to pay for the 2 additional bags. Plus, I was going to have to pay to bring those bags back home.
I could just picture me in Kiev. Alone... not speaking the language.... wrestling with and controlling 4 suitcases and a backpack.
Yeah, I had to figure out something else.

The day before I left, we had a family day in Columbus. We went to the Power Show and the boys competed in a kiddie tractor pull. Joe placed in his age group and has been invited to pull at the 2013 NKTPA Grand Nationals.  But while we were on the way to Columbus, I checked Craigslist for a suitcase. If I was going to "lighten my load" so to speak, I needed a LARGE suitcase that would get me there, but also one that was cheap enough that I could leave it in UKR.
The Lord provided one for $15. It was barely within the size restrictions, the wheels worked, and it was right on our way home. YAY GOD!

So now I had all the care packages packed into 2 BIG suitcases. They were both over the weight limit (each close to 70 lbs) and I was going to have to pay excess baggage fees, but I'd reduced my number of suitcases by 1 AND the one we got off Craigslist, I could leave behind and not pay to bring it back.
PERFECT!
So the count now is 2 large/heavy rolling suitcases, 1 rolling carry on and a STUFFED backpack. Not ideal, but certainly more manageable.

So Rick got me to the airport, we got everything checked in, and then it was time to go through security.
Rick and I have been married for 10 years, and we've never been apart for more than a couple of days- and even that is a rarity.  He doesn't travel for work, I don't travel for work. If we travel somewhere, we do it as a family.

Saying goodbye to Rick was harder than saying goodbye to the boys.
I went through security... weeping.
I gathered up my stuff... still weeping.
I walked to my gate with the tears rolling down my cheeks.

I wanted to go... I was excited to go...
But OHHHHH how I was going to miss them!

Once I got settled at my gate and started focusing on other things, things started to dry up.
But I was surprised at how emotional I was about leaving.
Saying goodbye was much harder than what I'd expected.

I would hope that if I get to go again, the goodbyes will be easier... or at least less emotional.

Back to reality

Homecoming is an interesting thing.

I was SO ready to see the Rick and the kids.
I was SO ready for a shower and my own bed.
I was SO ready to wear clean clothes.... and catch up on sleep, and reinsert myself back into family life.

Yet, there are kids I've left behind who weigh heavily on my heart. Mareks... Kolya... Rita... Igor... Sasha... Tolik... Nastia... Raivis... Yuri... Peter... Albert... Oksana...
Good kids.
Kids- some adoptable, some not, who need someone to love them... someone to want them... to choose them.
Kids who, for whatever reason, have been placed in a foster family or orphanage- either by the government or their own parents.
Kids who, in spite of their circumstances, were bright... funny... sweet... personable... affectionate... trusting... brave...
Kids who, in some cases, are treated differently because they're orphans. Like they're somehow "less" than their peers.
Kids who, if not hosted and/or adopted have a better chance of becoming a statistic than a functioning member of society.


Rick, Joe and Kyle met me at the airport, and it was a sweet reunion. Hugs... kisses... hand holding... smiles... and a card from Joe that said "Dear Mom, I had a great time while you were gone."
HA HA
Their good behavior, so glad that I was home, lasted until we were pulling out of the airport parking garage. In their defense, my flight out of JFK was delayed, and didn't get in till about 11pm.... which means we didn't get home with everyone to bed until nearly 1am.
I had 2 crying babies on my international flight home (between Helsinki and JFK) and the girl sitting in the neat next to me had a HORRIBLE head cold, so all she did was blow her nose and cough. The gentleman in front of me... as soon as he was able, reclined his seat to the absolute farthest position, and it stayed there the entire flight. By the time we got home, I'd been up for more than 24 hours, preceded by 2 nights of "late nights and early mornings." Needless to day, I was EXHAUSTED!

But with motherhood, there's usually no rest for the weary. So yesterday (my 1st full day home) consisted of a soccer game, laundry, going through the mail, unpacking, referee-ing and redirecting, going through school papers, meal preparation, bill paying, errands, searching for library books, checking through email, haircuts for the men in the house and showers for Joe and Kyle.
I managed to stay awake until 9:30 last night, but as I'm still adjusting to the 7 hour time difference, I was awake at 4:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep.

So, here I am at my blog, trying to decide where to start.

I don't know how many miles (kilometers) we covered, and I lost track of how many kids we met.
That sounds terrible, I know-- "losing track" of the kids. There are a few that stood out for me... for a variety of reasons. But the rest, honestly, it's a bit of a blur.

If you've followed the international news at all, you might know that much of Eastern Europe was in the middle of a winter that was shattering temperature records. We had some days that got down to 25-30 BELOW zero. (fahrenheit). Yeah, it was cold.
Luckily, we had a great heater in the rental van.... oh... wait... that's not right.
The heat didn't work in the 2nd or 3rd rows- which of course, is where we were sitting.
While we were driving, every now and then, I'd take a credit card and scrape the ice off the inside of the window so I could see outside.

I'd continue, but quite frankly, I'm falling asleep at the keyboard.

I'll post more later, as my children allow :-)

Update

So I had a big long post all typed up, and my tablet locked up on me. ARRGH!
So, to reiterate:
Ukraine portion of trip is done.
I'm waiting in KIev airport to head to Riga.
UKR has been unbelievably cold, I hear Latvia is colder.
I'm in desperate need of a shower.... I reek of cigarette smoke.
I'm also in need of a washing machine.
2 of my suitcases have broken. 1 enroute to Kiev, the other on the train to Uzhgorod.
I had more typed out, but I'm out of time.... we're fixin to board.

Odessa, Ukraine

While I have a minute to post, I thought I'd check in. Wifi, for the most part, has been  nonexistant. We're in Odessa, UKR.... getting on an overnight train which will take us to western Ukraine, near the Hungary bordrer.  The team has split up, with some of us going on the train and the rest driving back to Kiev. It's quite a bit warmer herer than what it was in Kiev and Balta. One night we had temps near 20 below.... that's -20 farenheit!!  That's cold no matter how you slice it!!

I have so much to talk about.... so much to relay. From the "dead rat" smelling "Soviet" hotel and the amazing kids we met at Tulchin orphanage and others. (There were 4 from Tulchin I wanted to stuff in my suitcase and bring with me.)

Lunch is here.... time to go. I'll post more later as wifi is available.

In HIS time...

I have more exciting news....
I just got permission to share....

Vladik's winter host family has started adoption paperwork!
I am so pleased for him.... AND for them!!

Here's the thing...
We know that God is always at work in the lives of His people.
We KNOW (or should know) that He works everything out according to His purposes... in HIS time... in HIS way. But still, there are times when we wonder.... times when we can't see God's hand.

WELL. Let me tell you about God's hand in THIS.

The New Horizons interview team didn't return to Vladik's orphanage this summer to interview kids for the winter hosting program. Only those children who had been hosted previously were eligible to come back.

Because we followed the Lord's leading and hosted Vladik this past summer, he was available for hosting over Christmas.
Because we followed the Lord's leading and hosted Vladik this past summer, he spent Christmas with a family here in the US who grew to love him--- and are now working to adopt him. :-)

Wait-wait-wait... it gets even better.:-)

Very near Vladik's future family is another family... who just so happens to be adopting a boy from the same orphanage that Vladik is from.  This boy also just so happens to be a very good friend of Vladik's.
So, when the paperwork is finished and families are reunited... not only will Vladik have a wonderful new family (and they'll have a wonderful new son)... but he'll be near a good friend. And good friends are sometimes hard to come by.

We don't always get to see the fruit of our labors.
We don't always get to see how the Lord has used us in someone's life.
We don't always notice God in the details.

But He's ALL OVER this one... and I'm so glad to be a small part of it.