Over and Out... for now.

I had a friend message me on Facebook with a few concerns about my last post.
(I've removed it, so if you didn't read it- you missed your chance.)

And while I don't agree with everything she said, there was enough truth to her words that I've removed my previous post.

I did not deliberately intend to be verbally uncaring toward my host kids, but I did post in and frustration and exhaustion and complete stress.  Tension headaches have become my daily companion. I was venting-- and for that I apologize.

Many of you thought the post was actually funny- and sent several emails saying so.
But my friend was correct in reminding me that if D&D's orphanage director/social worker/care giver somehow got a hold of that post, some of the comments- though made tongue in cheek-- would not have translated well.
Also, if someone who DIDN'T know me read it, they might not understand it either.

So, to err on the side of caution, I have removed the post.

I am not to the point yet where I can be joyful in this situation.
I know I should be, but I an not; and I am continually asking the Lord to change my focus and give me a new perspective.

At this moment, it is obvious I can not be AT ALL objective when it comes to this hosting, so for now, I am signing off.

Only after this house has de-stressed and put back to rights, and I get several full nights of sleep and I've given some extensive, tension free quality time to my husband and my children, will I be back. Maybe.

Thank you for reading, and praying along with me... especially to those who have been here since the beginning.

Weekend activities

We had a busy weekend, followed by a busy Monday.

On Saturday, we spent the day at the Cleveland Zoo with a few other host families in the area. Our group was large enough that we had to split up to keep things manageable, and I was sorry I didn't get to visit much with the host families in the "other" group; but I think everyone had a good time.
It was cooler than what it had been-- and I know we were ALL grateful for that.

Cleveland Zoo group, minus a few

I think Da&Di enjoyed the zoo, but they didn't last long- and that surprised me. After a couple of hours, they were complaining and ready to go home. We stopped at DQ on the way home-- that plus a nap on the way home perked them up a bit... which was good, because we had a birthday party to go to for Rick's nephew.... where they got more ice cream. :-)
They didn't care for the birthday cake, but man can they put away some home made ice cream!!

We had a couple of issues with Da at the zoo- both of them pretty big issues.
For the one incident, he had to sit with me and didn't get to continue playing on the playground. (He was NOT a happy camper!)
For the other... it's complicated. Regardless, he wasn't happy with the results of that one either.

We continued to have problems at the birthday party and we left early as a result.
A couple of the other parents at the party (who had interacted with our previous host kids and know a bit about the program) wanted to know how we kept from "smacking" him?

We can't.

It's a stipulation we agreed to as part of the New Horizons hosting program. And we will abide by it.

No matter where you stand on the corporal punishment debate- whether you agree with it or not, whether you "swatted" your down kids or not... we are not allowed to physically discipline our host kids.

There are a couple of reasons for this. One being that so many of these host kids have physical abuse as a big part of their past--- and physical discipline... no matter how small or how well deserved... has the potential to open a HUGE can of worms and bring up other issues and most host parents aren't trained to deal with.

So, no physical discipline.

Sunday we went to an antique tractor/car show where Joe and Kyle participated in a kiddie tractor pull. Joe placed 1st in his age group (again, LOL) and earned a spot in the "Grand National" pull in Columbus in January. Kyle was about 6" short of a 3rd place trophy.

It was a good experience for Da&Di. 

Not because they were SOOO interested in the tractors (though Da LOVED the cars), but because they learned something about family life. 

That is, when you're part of a family, sometimes you have to do things and go places you don't really want to.
Sometimes, you do things JUST BECAUSE someone else in the family wants to.
And you learn to do it cheerfully, because the next time it may be YOU wanting to go somewhere or do something that no one else wants to do.

Yesterday, we spent all day at home. Rick's family came over for the day and we "put up" the sweet corn. We freeze it, rather than can it; and though we did less than usual, it was still a long day.
The chaperone, Inga, was out yesterday as well, along with her "host mom".
I'm pretty sure she's the only chaperone in the history of NH that spent a good portion of the day elbow deep in corn husks and silks.
I hope she enjoyed herself. Not that "corn day" is a FUN day... but the experience was a new one for her.

It's supposed to be hot today... over 100. We were talking about going to the sprinkler park, but with that kind of heat, it's going to be PACKED. I think maybe we'll go see a movie instead.

Movie theater popcorn and everything!

And now, for a few photos...

His FAVORITE car.

Joe and his 1st place trophy.

Diana, helping with the corn.

Daniels' version of helping.

Everyone working on the corn.

Chaperone, Inga, took a ride in the tractor.

Marty and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

The title says it all.

I spoke in my last post about some small improvements. I don't want to trample all over those-- because D has improved in some areas.
But HOLY COW, yesterday was HORRIBLE!!!

I woke them both up at 11:20. I don't usually let them sleep that late, but we didn't have any plans yesterday morning so I figured it would be a treat.
By noon, I could tell that it was going to be a challenging day.

And it just went downhill from there.

I'm not talking a graceful, gently decline. I mean it was like the Demon Drop at Cedar Point.
By 12:45, it had plummeted... collapsed... crashed... taken a nose-dive... plunged... caved in... imploded... fallen hard and fast....
And as the sun worked it's way across the sky.... it just kept getting worse... and worse... and worse.

I think I called the chaperone 3... or was it 4 times?  All in the span of just a few hours.

Da finally apologized- right before it was time to go to bed. But only because he wanted all his stuff back that he'd thrown in our bedroom in a fit of anger.

The chaperone came over today to speak to both of them face to face... hoping it would be more effective than just a phone call. She was here for about 4 hours, and luckily (or not) she did see some of the behavior I'd called her about the day before-- though not NEARLY to the degree of yesterday's episodes.
Bless her heart, she tried to speak to Da several times over the course of the 4 hours, and he just wasn't having it. He'd listen for a little bit-- and then argue-- and then walk off. She would approach him again.. he'd argue.. and then walk off.

He also lost swimming privileges today for a couple of shenanigans he pulled in direct rebellion to very clear instructions I had given regarding fireworks/poppers/noise makers in the house. I was glad it happened while the chaperone was here.

There's been a lot of effort put forth by many on my behalf to figure out how to help Da adjust not only to life in the US, but life in a family... and also suggestions on how to "cope" when he's...well... doing what he does. So far, none of the suggestions put forth have worked but I haven't tried all of them yet, and for those that I HAVE tried that didn't work,  I'm willing to try again.

I hope the time with the chaperone helped today. Only time will tell.
He started sleepwalking again last night. So my one night reprieve was very short lived.
I am, however, thankful for that one night. It's the 1st full night's sleep I've had in 2 weeks.

Dare I say it..... "improvement??"

It's been a few days since my last post and things are.... well... maybe a little better??

Honestly, it's hard to say if things are actually improving or if I'm just developing an immunity to the behaviors.  Either way, it's a relief.

I'm still not going to detail the struggles we've had... not yet anyway. To my average reader (do I HAVE readers???) it won't make a difference.
I don't want it to seem like I'm dangling the proverbial carrot, because that's not my intent.
It's just that the details and specifics, I'm afraid, will make you feel sorry for me... and I don't want that.
Sure, a little commiseration is nice.
But when it's all said and done the focus really needs to be on D&D.
(That, and I don't want to scare off any potential host families.) :-)

Yes, things have been H A R D.
HARD
HARD
HARD

But hosting isn't supposed to be easy.
Sure, some are easier than others; but overall, most families struggle to some degree.
And that degree of struggle varies between families. Some may have 1 small pouting incident during the whole 5 weeks and thats it. Others will be dealing with temper tantrums and attitudes for the duration.
There are a couple of families who have REALLY had a hard time- infinitely more difficult than what we've been dealing with. And though they're not out of the woods yet, progress is being made.

It's vital to remember that these children come from hard places- not just geographically, but physically, emotionally and mentally as well.
Because of that, many host parents have to develop a new set of parenting skills- and that can be difficult.
(More than just the tweaks you make between child#1 and child #2- but a whole new set of skills.)

So in many ways, this is as much a learning experience for me as it is for D&D.... but I'm doing it in my home... surrounded by familiar things... where I can communicate my struggles and frustrations... where I understand the rules (and the need for them)... where I know the routine... where I know (usually) whats expected of me... and where I know I will always find love, forgiveness and acceptance.

Please pray that we can start to fill the emotional void in D&D's lives.
Please pray what we have the stamina to do it while not loosing sight of our own children's needs.
Please pray that Rick and I stay fully connected for the duration of hosting. It's easy to let things "slide" on the home front when you're focusing so much on other things.
Please pray for the other host families- especially those who are still struggling with serious behavior issues in their host children.
Please pray for the staff and volunteers of New Horizons. This, I'm told, has been one of the more drama filled and labor intensive hosting sessions in memory.
Please pray for "V" the child who was on vacation with his host family who had to have an emergency appendectomy.
Please pray for the families who are already seriously considering adoption, and for those who remain undecided.
Please pray for the families who are facing serious dental expenses for their host children. Pray that a dentist steps forward who is willing to donate their time.
Please pray for the chaperones who are here with the children. Pray that their experience here is a positive one and that they can return home with nothing but good things to say about NHFC and the hosting program. Pray that they can work effectively with the host families and children that are still struggling.
Please pray that in all things, in all situations, through all the frustrations, that  the host families are able to show the children the love of Christ, the and love of family.
Pray for those families who have received permission from their host child's government to seek further medical testing/treatment. Pray that doctors and other professionals will be moved to donate their time and skills to treat/diagnose these children who have no hope of receiving help in their own country.
Pray for potential host families- how are even now considering our winter program.
Pray for the host kids- that they be receptive to the gospel and curious about the children's bibles that have been purchased for them. For those that speak English- that conversations can be had about grace- and forgiveness- and love- and the sacrifice that Jesus made FOR THEM.
Pray that minds will be opened, hearts will be touched and lives will be changed.

Sunday

Tomorrow is Sunday.
Tomorrow will be interesting.
Tomorrow could be a disaster, or tomorrow could be easy.

So far, nothing about this hosting has been easy, but I continue to hope that changes.

Last Sunday... their 1st Sunday with us was special in that we can church outside. It was HOT outside, the service was abbreviated, and then we had a church picnic afterwards.
Tomorrow it's back to normal.

As much as I would like to do otherwise; at this point, Daniels is only capable of handling one service.
Originally, I'd wanted to give Diana the option of going to youth (and I'd go with her if she wanted) and have Daniels go with Joe. But that's just not going to work.
He would be FAR too disruptive if we were there for both services; and in truth, we're not comfortable sending him in to Joe's class at all. 
So, for now.... we'll just be doing one service and D&D will go to "big church" with us.
Not that thats a guarantee that everything will be peachy, but it's what we're going to try tomorrow.
So we'll see.


Diana is starting to test a little bit. Not much... and I think it's more about seeing if I mean what I say. But as far as the "projected behaviors" we tell our host families to possibly expect, she's right on schedule.


Daniels continues to test repeatedly and in Biblical proportions at every opportunity.
We had an issue at lunch today that ended with him in tears followed with a 45 minute pouting episode.
It's a long story, and I'm not going to go into details, but we are still proving to him that we mean what we say and that deliberate, intentional disobedience will not be allowed. It seems to be a hard lesson for him to learn.


This hosting has been hard on Joe and Kyle. 
They're really feeling the stress and tension in the house.
It's hard for them to understand why Daniels has such a hard time following very simple rules, why he's so volatile (my word, not theirs) and why he doesn't want to play with them.
They keep trying, and he keeps shooting them down.
I think they're just about ready to give up.

But at this point, giving up is not an option.
There are a few specific instances when a host child can be moved... and as of yet... we're not there.
No matter how difficult it's been... we're not there.
And I guess, depending on how you look at it... that's a good thing.

He is with us for a reason.
My mom was right.... and it was a good reminder for me.

No matter how frustrating it is, (and frustrating doesn't really cover it), we are to be the hands and feet of Jesus for these 5 weeks. (All the time, really, but specifically to this boy and this girl for 4 more weeks.)
We are missionaries of a sort, and I have to believe that the "hardships" we're going through are as much for D&D's benefit as they are for our own.
God is using this time to mold us closer to His image. To teach us His love.. His patience... His compassion... to show us His heart.

This refining is rarely a painless process, and our situation is no different.
The sooner I can align my thoughts and mindset with His... the sooner I learn what it is He is trying to show me... the sooner (I hope) this hosting will feel less like cruel and unusual punishment and more like a vacation.

Where will we go on vacation? I don't know.
There's road work ahead that will delay a few things, but we'll get there eventually.

Pics

Things are still... well... I'm just not going to go into it.
But it dawned on me that I hadn't posted any photos yet, so... here is a photo montage of our 1st week.

They both LOVE Roscoe

Hamming it up for the camera. For a couple of kids who say they don' t like sweets, they can pack away that ice cream!

SuperSoaker... the concept is universal.

Sparklers... they kept asking if they could take them back to Latvia.

New haircut.

Think she's excited? :-)

took him about 3 minutes to learn to ride

Diana and Kyle caught in the crossfire

inside a hot air balloon 

Persons of color are EXTREMELY RARE in Latvia. D&D are fascinated!

Objectivity

I'm having a hard time, this morning, deciding exactly what to write.
I want to be honest.
I want to be truthful and share whats going on and how things are... but it's oh so hard to be objective when you're in the middle of it.

To start, I will remind myself that D&D have been here less than a week.
I will recognize that they're constantly having to adjust and re-evaluate and that nothing in their lives has prepared them to be here.
I will remember that they are children who, to my knowledge, have been institutionalized for most of their lives- which can equate to a Pandora's Box of issues- none of which are their own fault.
I will remember that our life experiences are VASTLY different, and I will make a concerted effort to approach each situation with compassion and a quadruple dose of patience.
I will appreciate the efforts they are making to fit in- no matter how small, to learn our customs, culture, language, and habits.
I will remember the time difference and that it took me a FULL WEEK to start feeling human again after my trip to UKR and LAT.
I will remember that no matter how tired or emotionally drained I become, it is my job... my responsibility... my privilege... our mission to be the light of Jesus to D&D- even when my last nerve ran for cover hours ago.

I will admit and FULLY OWN the fact that it is impossible for me to be objective at this point.

So today, in this moment, rather that look at what I see as negative- (because right now, there's A LOT of that), I'm going talk about the positives.

Daniels (actually pronounced something like "Dahn-yee-lah") latched on to me pretty quickly.
Diana took a bit longer.
But yesterday she started being much more outwardly affectionate... and has now started saying "I love you, Mama."  She will initiate hugs and is very receptive to hugs, etc. in return.
Where Daniels is ferocious and desperate in his affection, she is sweet and gentle.

Diana has also been a great help in communicating. Daniels doesn't read well nor does he have the patience to try and type something out on google translate. Diana has been able to paraphrase what's going on so he can be in the loop. She is also helpful when Daniels is having one of his fits and I don't know what's going on.

Diana will gladly put away groceries, help clear the table and load the dishwasher. She keeps her room neat-- though neither of them pick up after themselves around the house. Some of that is my own fault because I don't always enforce that with J&K, some of it is cultural.

We have a 4th of July thing with the other local host families tonight. Cookout, fireworks, etc.
Maybe a break from "just us" and time with other kids from LAT will help work a few kinks out.

Too tired to come up with a snappy title...

Ahhhh- where to start?

How about this-
Even after a full night's sleep, I feel like I need to go back to bed.... for a week.

Yeah... I'm that tired.
I need a nap.
No, not a nap... I need one of those fairy tale kind of sleeps where someone knocks you out for a few years.
That would be lovely!

I remember when we hosted Vladik, I had a post about being exhausted. But I'm pretty sure it was later in the hosting program... not 4 days in.

Much of it is emotional exhaustion.
Daniels is emotionally STARVING for affection. He needs SO MUCH love, SO MUCH attention, SO MUCH positive reinforcement, SO MUCH physical affection, SO MUCH TLC, SO MUCH one-on-one, SO MUCH.... so much....
Mama....
Mama....
Mama....
Mama....

By the end of the day, I've heard it so much I'm tired of my own name.

Honestly, he probably would have been better in a home with no other children. It's not that he doesn't get along with them... well, actually, it's hard to tell if they all get along or not. There's not been a lot of interaction between them because he doesn't really want to play with them... all he wants is me- and my undivided attention.
I'm hoping this intense NEED lessens a little over the next 5 weeks, because I'm already beat.

It's not all emotional exhaustion though, he's up a couple of times a night wandering around the upstairs. I can't tell if he's sleepwalking or if he needs to use the bathroom and just isn't awake enough to find it. I always get up and steer him toward the bathroom though and that usually seems to be what he was looking for.
Unfortunately, he's so nearly asleep when he's up... I've discovered that I have to clean that area of the bathroom every morning... walls and all.

I'm pretty sure Diana is already bored.
She's a sweet girl-- FAR less needy than her brother. (Which is a good thing, because I honestly don't think I could handle 2 like him.)
All she really wants to do is play computer games.

We're going to run to Hobby Lobby today to let everyone pick out a craft thing. She does like to cross stitch and maybe that will allow her to do something she really loves.
We're also going to get some groceries and pick out some specific things (other than potato chips) that she and Daniels like to eat.

With both, I'm having to set A LOT of limits and A LOT of boundaries. With Diana, they haven't been hard to enforce. With Daniels... well... thats another story.

We were at CiCi's Pizza last night for supper, and there was an African American family there. Now, people of color are a rarity in Latvia... practically nonexistent... and Diana was looking hard. Not staring... but not far from it.  Quite honestly, she'd probably never seen in person someone with skin that dark. She wasn't being rude... just curious.
Daniels noticed her "staring" and he hauled off and smacked her.

Before the kids get on the plane to fly over, they're given a list of "Things they should know."  One of those things is to not stare at people... persons of color, handicapped, or otherwise. Well, Daniels remembered the "rule" and tried to correct his sister.
I told him "no hitting," and so he tried to explain-- loudly (because nothing is EVER quiet with Daniels)-- "NO LOOK BLACK MAN!"
Of course, this all happened at one of those occasional moments in public places when everyone in the building has a lull in their conversation all at the same time.

So... yeah. Good times. :-)