Dare I say it..... "improvement??"

It's been a few days since my last post and things are.... well... maybe a little better??

Honestly, it's hard to say if things are actually improving or if I'm just developing an immunity to the behaviors.  Either way, it's a relief.

I'm still not going to detail the struggles we've had... not yet anyway. To my average reader (do I HAVE readers???) it won't make a difference.
I don't want it to seem like I'm dangling the proverbial carrot, because that's not my intent.
It's just that the details and specifics, I'm afraid, will make you feel sorry for me... and I don't want that.
Sure, a little commiseration is nice.
But when it's all said and done the focus really needs to be on D&D.
(That, and I don't want to scare off any potential host families.) :-)

Yes, things have been H A R D.
HARD
HARD
HARD

But hosting isn't supposed to be easy.
Sure, some are easier than others; but overall, most families struggle to some degree.
And that degree of struggle varies between families. Some may have 1 small pouting incident during the whole 5 weeks and thats it. Others will be dealing with temper tantrums and attitudes for the duration.
There are a couple of families who have REALLY had a hard time- infinitely more difficult than what we've been dealing with. And though they're not out of the woods yet, progress is being made.

It's vital to remember that these children come from hard places- not just geographically, but physically, emotionally and mentally as well.
Because of that, many host parents have to develop a new set of parenting skills- and that can be difficult.
(More than just the tweaks you make between child#1 and child #2- but a whole new set of skills.)

So in many ways, this is as much a learning experience for me as it is for D&D.... but I'm doing it in my home... surrounded by familiar things... where I can communicate my struggles and frustrations... where I understand the rules (and the need for them)... where I know the routine... where I know (usually) whats expected of me... and where I know I will always find love, forgiveness and acceptance.

Please pray that we can start to fill the emotional void in D&D's lives.
Please pray what we have the stamina to do it while not loosing sight of our own children's needs.
Please pray that Rick and I stay fully connected for the duration of hosting. It's easy to let things "slide" on the home front when you're focusing so much on other things.
Please pray for the other host families- especially those who are still struggling with serious behavior issues in their host children.
Please pray for the staff and volunteers of New Horizons. This, I'm told, has been one of the more drama filled and labor intensive hosting sessions in memory.
Please pray for "V" the child who was on vacation with his host family who had to have an emergency appendectomy.
Please pray for the families who are already seriously considering adoption, and for those who remain undecided.
Please pray for the families who are facing serious dental expenses for their host children. Pray that a dentist steps forward who is willing to donate their time.
Please pray for the chaperones who are here with the children. Pray that their experience here is a positive one and that they can return home with nothing but good things to say about NHFC and the hosting program. Pray that they can work effectively with the host families and children that are still struggling.
Please pray that in all things, in all situations, through all the frustrations, that  the host families are able to show the children the love of Christ, the and love of family.
Pray for those families who have received permission from their host child's government to seek further medical testing/treatment. Pray that doctors and other professionals will be moved to donate their time and skills to treat/diagnose these children who have no hope of receiving help in their own country.
Pray for potential host families- how are even now considering our winter program.
Pray for the host kids- that they be receptive to the gospel and curious about the children's bibles that have been purchased for them. For those that speak English- that conversations can be had about grace- and forgiveness- and love- and the sacrifice that Jesus made FOR THEM.
Pray that minds will be opened, hearts will be touched and lives will be changed.

Sunday

Tomorrow is Sunday.
Tomorrow will be interesting.
Tomorrow could be a disaster, or tomorrow could be easy.

So far, nothing about this hosting has been easy, but I continue to hope that changes.

Last Sunday... their 1st Sunday with us was special in that we can church outside. It was HOT outside, the service was abbreviated, and then we had a church picnic afterwards.
Tomorrow it's back to normal.

As much as I would like to do otherwise; at this point, Daniels is only capable of handling one service.
Originally, I'd wanted to give Diana the option of going to youth (and I'd go with her if she wanted) and have Daniels go with Joe. But that's just not going to work.
He would be FAR too disruptive if we were there for both services; and in truth, we're not comfortable sending him in to Joe's class at all. 
So, for now.... we'll just be doing one service and D&D will go to "big church" with us.
Not that thats a guarantee that everything will be peachy, but it's what we're going to try tomorrow.
So we'll see.


Diana is starting to test a little bit. Not much... and I think it's more about seeing if I mean what I say. But as far as the "projected behaviors" we tell our host families to possibly expect, she's right on schedule.


Daniels continues to test repeatedly and in Biblical proportions at every opportunity.
We had an issue at lunch today that ended with him in tears followed with a 45 minute pouting episode.
It's a long story, and I'm not going to go into details, but we are still proving to him that we mean what we say and that deliberate, intentional disobedience will not be allowed. It seems to be a hard lesson for him to learn.


This hosting has been hard on Joe and Kyle. 
They're really feeling the stress and tension in the house.
It's hard for them to understand why Daniels has such a hard time following very simple rules, why he's so volatile (my word, not theirs) and why he doesn't want to play with them.
They keep trying, and he keeps shooting them down.
I think they're just about ready to give up.

But at this point, giving up is not an option.
There are a few specific instances when a host child can be moved... and as of yet... we're not there.
No matter how difficult it's been... we're not there.
And I guess, depending on how you look at it... that's a good thing.

He is with us for a reason.
My mom was right.... and it was a good reminder for me.

No matter how frustrating it is, (and frustrating doesn't really cover it), we are to be the hands and feet of Jesus for these 5 weeks. (All the time, really, but specifically to this boy and this girl for 4 more weeks.)
We are missionaries of a sort, and I have to believe that the "hardships" we're going through are as much for D&D's benefit as they are for our own.
God is using this time to mold us closer to His image. To teach us His love.. His patience... His compassion... to show us His heart.

This refining is rarely a painless process, and our situation is no different.
The sooner I can align my thoughts and mindset with His... the sooner I learn what it is He is trying to show me... the sooner (I hope) this hosting will feel less like cruel and unusual punishment and more like a vacation.

Where will we go on vacation? I don't know.
There's road work ahead that will delay a few things, but we'll get there eventually.

Pics

Things are still... well... I'm just not going to go into it.
But it dawned on me that I hadn't posted any photos yet, so... here is a photo montage of our 1st week.

They both LOVE Roscoe

Hamming it up for the camera. For a couple of kids who say they don' t like sweets, they can pack away that ice cream!

SuperSoaker... the concept is universal.

Sparklers... they kept asking if they could take them back to Latvia.

New haircut.

Think she's excited? :-)

took him about 3 minutes to learn to ride

Diana and Kyle caught in the crossfire

inside a hot air balloon 

Persons of color are EXTREMELY RARE in Latvia. D&D are fascinated!

Objectivity

I'm having a hard time, this morning, deciding exactly what to write.
I want to be honest.
I want to be truthful and share whats going on and how things are... but it's oh so hard to be objective when you're in the middle of it.

To start, I will remind myself that D&D have been here less than a week.
I will recognize that they're constantly having to adjust and re-evaluate and that nothing in their lives has prepared them to be here.
I will remember that they are children who, to my knowledge, have been institutionalized for most of their lives- which can equate to a Pandora's Box of issues- none of which are their own fault.
I will remember that our life experiences are VASTLY different, and I will make a concerted effort to approach each situation with compassion and a quadruple dose of patience.
I will appreciate the efforts they are making to fit in- no matter how small, to learn our customs, culture, language, and habits.
I will remember the time difference and that it took me a FULL WEEK to start feeling human again after my trip to UKR and LAT.
I will remember that no matter how tired or emotionally drained I become, it is my job... my responsibility... my privilege... our mission to be the light of Jesus to D&D- even when my last nerve ran for cover hours ago.

I will admit and FULLY OWN the fact that it is impossible for me to be objective at this point.

So today, in this moment, rather that look at what I see as negative- (because right now, there's A LOT of that), I'm going talk about the positives.

Daniels (actually pronounced something like "Dahn-yee-lah") latched on to me pretty quickly.
Diana took a bit longer.
But yesterday she started being much more outwardly affectionate... and has now started saying "I love you, Mama."  She will initiate hugs and is very receptive to hugs, etc. in return.
Where Daniels is ferocious and desperate in his affection, she is sweet and gentle.

Diana has also been a great help in communicating. Daniels doesn't read well nor does he have the patience to try and type something out on google translate. Diana has been able to paraphrase what's going on so he can be in the loop. She is also helpful when Daniels is having one of his fits and I don't know what's going on.

Diana will gladly put away groceries, help clear the table and load the dishwasher. She keeps her room neat-- though neither of them pick up after themselves around the house. Some of that is my own fault because I don't always enforce that with J&K, some of it is cultural.

We have a 4th of July thing with the other local host families tonight. Cookout, fireworks, etc.
Maybe a break from "just us" and time with other kids from LAT will help work a few kinks out.

Too tired to come up with a snappy title...

Ahhhh- where to start?

How about this-
Even after a full night's sleep, I feel like I need to go back to bed.... for a week.

Yeah... I'm that tired.
I need a nap.
No, not a nap... I need one of those fairy tale kind of sleeps where someone knocks you out for a few years.
That would be lovely!

I remember when we hosted Vladik, I had a post about being exhausted. But I'm pretty sure it was later in the hosting program... not 4 days in.

Much of it is emotional exhaustion.
Daniels is emotionally STARVING for affection. He needs SO MUCH love, SO MUCH attention, SO MUCH positive reinforcement, SO MUCH physical affection, SO MUCH TLC, SO MUCH one-on-one, SO MUCH.... so much....
Mama....
Mama....
Mama....
Mama....

By the end of the day, I've heard it so much I'm tired of my own name.

Honestly, he probably would have been better in a home with no other children. It's not that he doesn't get along with them... well, actually, it's hard to tell if they all get along or not. There's not been a lot of interaction between them because he doesn't really want to play with them... all he wants is me- and my undivided attention.
I'm hoping this intense NEED lessens a little over the next 5 weeks, because I'm already beat.

It's not all emotional exhaustion though, he's up a couple of times a night wandering around the upstairs. I can't tell if he's sleepwalking or if he needs to use the bathroom and just isn't awake enough to find it. I always get up and steer him toward the bathroom though and that usually seems to be what he was looking for.
Unfortunately, he's so nearly asleep when he's up... I've discovered that I have to clean that area of the bathroom every morning... walls and all.

I'm pretty sure Diana is already bored.
She's a sweet girl-- FAR less needy than her brother. (Which is a good thing, because I honestly don't think I could handle 2 like him.)
All she really wants to do is play computer games.

We're going to run to Hobby Lobby today to let everyone pick out a craft thing. She does like to cross stitch and maybe that will allow her to do something she really loves.
We're also going to get some groceries and pick out some specific things (other than potato chips) that she and Daniels like to eat.

With both, I'm having to set A LOT of limits and A LOT of boundaries. With Diana, they haven't been hard to enforce. With Daniels... well... thats another story.

We were at CiCi's Pizza last night for supper, and there was an African American family there. Now, people of color are a rarity in Latvia... practically nonexistent... and Diana was looking hard. Not staring... but not far from it.  Quite honestly, she'd probably never seen in person someone with skin that dark. She wasn't being rude... just curious.
Daniels noticed her "staring" and he hauled off and smacked her.

Before the kids get on the plane to fly over, they're given a list of "Things they should know."  One of those things is to not stare at people... persons of color, handicapped, or otherwise. Well, Daniels remembered the "rule" and tried to correct his sister.
I told him "no hitting," and so he tried to explain-- loudly (because nothing is EVER quiet with Daniels)-- "NO LOOK BLACK MAN!"
Of course, this all happened at one of those occasional moments in public places when everyone in the building has a lull in their conversation all at the same time.

So... yeah. Good times. :-)

And we're off...

Everyone but Joe (and Rick, of course) are still asleep, so I thought I'd post a quick update of how things are going so far.

Their flight landed at 10:15ish and we left the airport by 10:40 or so.
The were quiet at first... AT FIRST... checking things out, getting their bearings, etc.
But by the time we got to the car it was a different story.
Daniels, especially, is a chatterbox.
Of course, I have no idea what he's saying, but most of the time he doesn't seem to mind.

We did figure out that they were hungry, so we stopped at a McDonalds on the way home; and with full bellies, they promptly fell asleep for the rest of the drive.

It was after midnight by the time we got home and EVERYONE was tired.
But once D & D  saw the inside of the house-- they caught their 2nd wind.
It was funny to watch them- going from room to room, exclaiming over this and that. Daniels would drag Diana into one room to show her something, and then she would drag some somewhere else.
So, Rick and Joe and Kyle went to bed and I stayed up.... till 3:30. (And I've decided I'm WAY too old for that!)

Their favorite thing in the house so far:
Daniels-
the big TV, the iPad, Rick's toy tractors, mp3 player, the Wii.
Diana-
her closet full of clothes, the iPad, mp3 player.

Honestly, Diana's reaction when I showed her clothes was possibly the best of the night...
You could see the progression of her thoughts clearly on her face--- "Wow... thats a lot of clothes"... "Those are all for me?" ... "Really?" ... "no way!" ... "SERIOUSLY??!!"... "Those are all for ME!!"
After that I could hardly pull her away from the closet.
Then, when I explained to her that I had to guess her size and that if things didn't fit we would get things that DID fit, she was just as amazed as before.

Daniels reaction to the cheap-o mp3 player was almost as good. He was THRILLED! I got a HUGE hug-- several of them, actually, and a litany of "Spacibas"and "Spaciba bol-shoys" (Spaciba= thank you, spaciba bol-shoy= thank you very much.)

I'd forgotten, though, how exhausting hosting is. Of course, I only got about 3 hours of sleep that first night. But still... it's exhausting.

With Mareks last winter it was EASY. He was fluent in English and he already had a more "Western" way of thinking and doing things. I didn't have to ask him to take a shower or brush his teeth or change his clothes. We could talk without using the laptop. It was EASY.
I don't think I realized just how easy it was until yesterday.

Yesterday, there were a couple of times where one of them was in the middle of an extended (one-sided) conversation with me and the other one will remind the one talking that I can't sunder stand them. (I don't know EXACTLY what they're saying, but it's some version  of "ya-knee-pah-knee-my-you"-- what is what *I* say when I don't understand them.)

Both D&D are very talkative-- and every now I'll catch a word that I recognize... but I OBVIOUSLY need to work on my Russian.

Arrival Day

Kids from UKR and LAT started touching down on American soil yesterday. Throughout today, nearly 200 orphans will be meeting their summer host families.

Some of these children will have been traveling for 48+ hours-- including train or bus rides for those who live in the more rural parts of their home countries.
Arrival photos are being posted on the New Horizons for Children Facebook page.

The photos don't really do the "Arrivals" justice.
The anticipation is THICK and HEAVY while the host families are waiting for the kids to exit the secure part of the airport.
Nervous chatter... and waiting.
Talk about plans and activities for the 5 weeks the children are here... and waiting.
Kids showing off the signs they made... and waiting.
Concerns shared about communication, acclimation... and waiting.
Checking cell phones every 2 minutes to see if there's an updated arrival time... and waiting.
Pacing... and waiting.
Disbelief that the day... hour is finally here... and waiting.

Then--- FINALLY-- after MONTHS (for some, just weeks or days for others) of waiting and preparing and praying and training and fundraising and blogging and stressing and explaining and worrying and planning and emailing and talking.... you see them.

In the "larger" arrival airports, it's complete chaos.

Lots of kids who don't speak English.
Lots of host families who speak nothing but.
Hugs... introductions... pictures... more hugs...  smiles... a few happy tears...

All of a sudden, the ever present knot in your stomach eases and it doesn't matter anymore that you don't speak his native language language or that you have a 4 hour drive home or that you didn't get the bathrooms cleaned before you left for the airport.

They are here-- and that is enough.

Father in Heaven-
Help me to love these children as you do.
Help me to show them YOUR love- not only in the way we treat them, but in the way we treat each other.
Fill me with your compassion and grace. Let it pour through me to cover them.
Let it fill the empty and broken places in their hearts.
Guide their forever family to us and lay a burden for these children on their hearts.

Above all, let them see the JOY and HOPE we have in you.