Vladik has been gone for a week.
In that time, I've gotten a lot of questions about our hosting experience.
Surprisingly, some questions have come from strangers...
Like the WalMart cashier who checked us out while Vladik was here....
Or the girl at Subway who recognized us from the newspaper article...
And the lady who was getting a mani/pedi while I was getting my haircut...
Some have come from friends at church... from MOPS... from family.
So I thought I would address these questions as best as I can, as I'm sure they're not the only ones wondering. But first, I want to direct you to a couple of links...
I posted some time ago about the "Carboard Testimonies" that New Horizons was putting together. I don't know if this is the final cut, but I wanted you to be able to see it...
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2203054753019&comments
Also, if you're interested in seeing more of the pics I took while Vladik was here, the following is a link to an album I put together to send to him.
http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=bcf174cf3de8aac3&sid=0AZuWrlo4aMmTj4
Ok.. on to the questions.
1. Are you going to adopt Vladik?
No. Rick and I entered this hosting program not expecting or anticipating adoption. That's not to say that we won't at some point in the future... just not at this time. I will also say that had we had that "connection" with Vladik... the feeling that our family is not complete without him, I might be answering differently.
Let me also clarify that New Horizons is NOT an adoption agency. They run HOSTING programs.
Do they hope and pray that the host kids find their forever families while they're here? Of course they do! But they are NOT an adoption agency.
2. How much did it cost?
In truth, I don't know. Hosting fees are $2500, but that does not include what we spent on him while he was here. I will also say that Vladik had a scholarship-- so we didn't have to pay the full amount. New Horizons is a 501c3 organization, so contributions can be made to them just like you would give to your church, or any other charitable organization. Someone (or someones) had designated their contributions go to Vladik to reduce his hosting fees. The availability of scholarships can be the deciding factor on whether or not a family can afford to host a child. I know it made a difference for us.
3. Does/Did he speak English?
Yes and no.
What he knew when he arrived was self taught.
We worked on his English quite a bit while he was here. They say that immersion is the fastest way to learn a new language, so I know he picked up a lot. He understood more that he spoke and only spoke in English when necessary. I sent him home with the flashcards and workbooks that we'd been using. I hope he continues to work on it.
4. How did he get picked to come?
First off, the children volunteer to be a part of the hosting program.
Those that want to come to The US (and not all of them do), must then be interviewed by a team from New Horizons. The interview team decides who gets to come and who doesn't. But just because the kids are given the "ok", doesn't mean it's all set. A family then has to step up and choose a child to host. And not all children are chosen. I know Vladik had at least one friend who went through the interview, etc., but was never chosen by a host family.
5. How long was he here?
Vladik was here for 5 weeks. Summer hosting is about 5 weeks, winter hosting is about 4.
6. Will you host Vladik again?
We are not hosting this winter. I'd like to host again next summer, but Rick and I haven't talked about it yet. But to answer the question...
My understanding is, the only way we can re-host the same child is if we were pursuing adoption.... OR if it was getting toward the "choosing deadline" and he'd not been picked by another family. Those specific "re-host rules" are put in place by the Ukra*nian and Latv*an governments. (I think).
7. How did you hear about New Horizons?
I was wasting time on facebook and saw an ad. I clicked... and the rest can be read about here in my blog.
8. What's next for Vladik? Will you ever hear from him again or know if he gets adopted?
Unfortunately, because of his age Vladik is not a good candidate for adoption. It has nothing to do with his personality, temperament, abilities, IQ, general demeanor, or his work ethic. The truth is, he's 13--almost 14. And people don't adopt teenagers. Now, while that's not ENTIRELY true, it's not too much of an exaggeration. I doubt very much I'll ever hear directly from Vladik. The language barrier being what it is, it's not like he can sit down and write me a letter. I hope to see pictures when the interview team from New Horizons goes to Ukra*ne later this month; and if he's hosted by another family this winter, maybe I can see photos then. I'll be sending a package for him with the interview team, and possibly one for his birthday. Beyond that, I don't know.
9. How did your boys adjust?
Pretty well. They were all gracious and understanding the first week or two, but it was obvious when the newness wore off. After that, Vladik was just another member of the family as far as Joe and Kyle were concerned. They both liked having someone (besides each other) to play with; and because Vladik tended to play rougher than what they were used to, they (especially Joe) learned some valuable lessons about what it's like to be the "little" kid.
10. What did you learn?
A lot!
I could go on and on about all the things I learned-- about parenting... about boys... about patience... teaching... understanding... compassion.. and more.
But mostly, I learned about love.
I think a lot of times, we think of love as the world does.
That it's something you feel. It's emotional. It's butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms.
But I learned over the last 5 weeks, that love is a VERB.
Love is not so much what we say... although I think that's important too.
But love is ACTION. Love is what we DO.
1 John 3:18 sums it up:
Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity.
My time with Vladik taught me love with deliberation....
To love on purpose.... whether I "feel" like it or not.
So.
How's YOUR love life?
In that time, I've gotten a lot of questions about our hosting experience.
Surprisingly, some questions have come from strangers...
Like the WalMart cashier who checked us out while Vladik was here....
Or the girl at Subway who recognized us from the newspaper article...
And the lady who was getting a mani/pedi while I was getting my haircut...
Some have come from friends at church... from MOPS... from family.
So I thought I would address these questions as best as I can, as I'm sure they're not the only ones wondering. But first, I want to direct you to a couple of links...
I posted some time ago about the "Carboard Testimonies" that New Horizons was putting together. I don't know if this is the final cut, but I wanted you to be able to see it...
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2203054753019&comments
Also, if you're interested in seeing more of the pics I took while Vladik was here, the following is a link to an album I put together to send to him.
http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=bcf174cf3de8aac3&sid=0AZuWrlo4aMmTj4
Ok.. on to the questions.
1. Are you going to adopt Vladik?
No. Rick and I entered this hosting program not expecting or anticipating adoption. That's not to say that we won't at some point in the future... just not at this time. I will also say that had we had that "connection" with Vladik... the feeling that our family is not complete without him, I might be answering differently.
Let me also clarify that New Horizons is NOT an adoption agency. They run HOSTING programs.
Do they hope and pray that the host kids find their forever families while they're here? Of course they do! But they are NOT an adoption agency.
2. How much did it cost?
In truth, I don't know. Hosting fees are $2500, but that does not include what we spent on him while he was here. I will also say that Vladik had a scholarship-- so we didn't have to pay the full amount. New Horizons is a 501c3 organization, so contributions can be made to them just like you would give to your church, or any other charitable organization. Someone (or someones) had designated their contributions go to Vladik to reduce his hosting fees. The availability of scholarships can be the deciding factor on whether or not a family can afford to host a child. I know it made a difference for us.
3. Does/Did he speak English?
Yes and no.
What he knew when he arrived was self taught.
We worked on his English quite a bit while he was here. They say that immersion is the fastest way to learn a new language, so I know he picked up a lot. He understood more that he spoke and only spoke in English when necessary. I sent him home with the flashcards and workbooks that we'd been using. I hope he continues to work on it.
4. How did he get picked to come?
First off, the children volunteer to be a part of the hosting program.
Those that want to come to The US (and not all of them do), must then be interviewed by a team from New Horizons. The interview team decides who gets to come and who doesn't. But just because the kids are given the "ok", doesn't mean it's all set. A family then has to step up and choose a child to host. And not all children are chosen. I know Vladik had at least one friend who went through the interview, etc., but was never chosen by a host family.
5. How long was he here?
Vladik was here for 5 weeks. Summer hosting is about 5 weeks, winter hosting is about 4.
6. Will you host Vladik again?
We are not hosting this winter. I'd like to host again next summer, but Rick and I haven't talked about it yet. But to answer the question...
My understanding is, the only way we can re-host the same child is if we were pursuing adoption.... OR if it was getting toward the "choosing deadline" and he'd not been picked by another family. Those specific "re-host rules" are put in place by the Ukra*nian and Latv*an governments. (I think).
7. How did you hear about New Horizons?
I was wasting time on facebook and saw an ad. I clicked... and the rest can be read about here in my blog.
8. What's next for Vladik? Will you ever hear from him again or know if he gets adopted?
Unfortunately, because of his age Vladik is not a good candidate for adoption. It has nothing to do with his personality, temperament, abilities, IQ, general demeanor, or his work ethic. The truth is, he's 13--almost 14. And people don't adopt teenagers. Now, while that's not ENTIRELY true, it's not too much of an exaggeration. I doubt very much I'll ever hear directly from Vladik. The language barrier being what it is, it's not like he can sit down and write me a letter. I hope to see pictures when the interview team from New Horizons goes to Ukra*ne later this month; and if he's hosted by another family this winter, maybe I can see photos then. I'll be sending a package for him with the interview team, and possibly one for his birthday. Beyond that, I don't know.
9. How did your boys adjust?
Pretty well. They were all gracious and understanding the first week or two, but it was obvious when the newness wore off. After that, Vladik was just another member of the family as far as Joe and Kyle were concerned. They both liked having someone (besides each other) to play with; and because Vladik tended to play rougher than what they were used to, they (especially Joe) learned some valuable lessons about what it's like to be the "little" kid.
10. What did you learn?
A lot!
I could go on and on about all the things I learned-- about parenting... about boys... about patience... teaching... understanding... compassion.. and more.
But mostly, I learned about love.
I think a lot of times, we think of love as the world does.
That it's something you feel. It's emotional. It's butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms.
But I learned over the last 5 weeks, that love is a VERB.
Love is not so much what we say... although I think that's important too.
But love is ACTION. Love is what we DO.
1 John 3:18 sums it up:
Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity.
My time with Vladik taught me love with deliberation....
To love on purpose.... whether I "feel" like it or not.
So.
How's YOUR love life?
I really like how you put the last part, about love being a verb, not just feelings. I wholeheartedly agree. Taking in one of these kids is difficult, but in the end it is so worth it - whether you're pursuing adoption or not. We, too, have learned so much about ourselves and each other through our hosting experience. Thank you for your transparency in sharing your experiences. :)
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