Well, it's done. I'm home, and Vladik is in the air. (Last I checked he was flying over Nova Scotia.)
We made it to the airport... after RIDICULOUS traffic/construction on the turnpike, and Vladik is headed home.
But I should start at the beginning.... like with yesterday.
Sunday- our last full day with Vladik.... at his request we went bowling and had ice cream for supper.
He insisted he'd been bowling before, and that he DID NOT want the bumpers up like Joe and Kyle.
Well, if he'd been bowling before... maybe it was a different kind of bowling-- Ukrainian style. Maybe it's like checkers and UNO... the rules are different.
Lets just way it was a good thing there weren't people in the lanes to either side of us as Vladik's ball often landed NOT in our lane. :-)
For supper we went to Cold Stone. He was quite taken with the peanut butter ice cream, but nearly broke a tooth on the Snickers bar they put in it.
When we got home the boys immediately went out to ride their bikes. It was hot... still... but this was their last real chance to ride down the barn bank, race, chase each other etc.... together. They were having so much fun, I didn't want to bring Joe and Kyle in at bedtime. Watching them was bittersweet.
After Vladik's arrival, it didn't take me long to figure out that he always did better if he knew what was going to happen the next day. So we'd gotten in the habit, before he want to bed, of going over the next day's schedule. Not that is was set in stone or anything, but I think if gave him a sense of security... knowing what was planned.
I reminded him--- like he NEEDED reminding--- that he was flying home the next day.
I told him that his flight left at 4pm, and that we needed to be at the airport by 1(ish).. which meant we needed to leave our house around 10am.
Vladik got very agitated... not upset, but he was desperately... earnestly trying tell me something.
"Here it comes", I thought... this is where he tells me he doesn't want to go back to Ukraine and that he wants us to adopt him. In truth, I'd been kind of waiting for it and so I thought I was prepared.
NOPE.
As in no, he didn't mention adoption or not going back.
He said he needed to take 2 soccer balls back with him. Mind you, this is at 10pm... and his bags are nearly packed (and already full to overflowing.)
Confused, and a little surprised, I asked him where he was going to put them? He said he would "download" (deflate) them and stick them in his backpack. Of course there wasn't room, and I WASN'T going to WalMart to buy 2 soccer balls- so I told him no.
So he begged.
"No. I'm sorry Vladik, but there just isn't space, even if you deflated the balls."
So he started pouting... and then crying.
He was so emotional, he stormed off- up to bed and almost didn't let me tuck him in.
Of course, I did anyway--- telling him it was ok to be sad... it was ok to cry.
He was still crying when I turned out the light.... and so was I.
I'm sure he was a little angry with me telling him "no", but I think most of it was the fact that he was leaving. He never said he wanted to stay... he never said he didn't want to go back... he didn't have to.
Then there were my dreams last night. I had a LOUSY nights sleep.
I kept dreaming that Vladik had snuck out in the middle of the night to keep from going back to Ukraine. In one dream, we finally found him hiding in the barn-- long after his flight had left and after calling the sheriff to start a search party. In another he'd hitch hiked to Disney World. (Weird, I know.. but you know how dreams are.) But I woke up from each one panicked and in a cold sweat.
This morning he was very reserved, and a little sick to his stomach I think-- he didn't eat much breakfast. As we finished stuffing the last of the clothes in his suitcase and getting last minute items, he asked/begged about the soccer ball again... only this time he asked for just one. Still, the answer was no.
When it was time to go, I dropped Joe and Kyle off at my MIL's.
As the three boys said their goodbyes, they all exhibited typical boy behavior.
A hug (which was more like a tackle).... a "goodbye"... and then a little wrestling and other miscellaneous physical shenanigans.
It was cute. And heartbreaking.
Joe let Vladik play his DS on the way to the airport. I warned Vladik ahead of time that he might get car sick if he played it while we were driving. He shrugged. Typical kid... What does Mom know?!
Well, about 20 minutes into the drive... he got car sick.
Luckily he gave me fair warning and I was able to pull over to the side of the road before he puked all over the inside of the car. Thank you, LORD! THAT would have been a miserable ride there and back. Y U C K!
Not long after we hit the turnpike there was traffic... and construction... and traffic... and three lanes merging into one... and traffic. ARRRGH! It was stop and go for 5 miles and 45 minutes. GREAT! Now we were behind schedule!
Then when we hit Toledo, man did it rain! I mean a DOWNPOUR!! Lots of lightning, heavy, heavy rain... I nearly had to pull over because I couldn't see. Luckily the storm was short lived and we were only about 30 minutes late to our rendezvous with the rest of the host families.
Vladik was glad to see the other kids, but I think he had mixed feelings about leaving. I KNOW he's excited to see his friends again, but I also know that he didn't want to leave. Conflicting emotions that I'm sure were hard to reconcile.
We got all the kids' bags checked, we said our good byes, and the kids and their chaperone, got in line for security.
And THAT'S when I lost it. Not all crazy emotional, uncontrollable sobbing... just tears.
Vladik wasn't the only one with conflicting emotions.
To be completely honest-- I was ready for him to leave.
There I said it.
I was ready for him to leave-- and I felt guilty about that.
Not guilty because we weren't adopting... but guilty because I KNOW what I was sending him back to.
It's not that we didn't enjoy having him here... because we did! It was a wonderful... albeit challenging experience for all of us. It stretched me in ways I'm sure I'm not completely aware of. It opened my eyes to a lot of things... issues.. problems...a different culture...a different society.
And now that I *know* about those issues, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with that knowledge.
But yes, I was ready for Vladik to leave. (And saying it twice doesn't make me feel any less heartless.)
I'm ready for it to just be the four of us again.
I'm ready to not be glued to google translate. Type... translate... back translate... revise... translate... back translate, etc.
I'm ready to have my evening time with Rick back.
I'm ready to be able to leave the house by 8am to get errands run.
I'm ready to eat PIZZA again! (which Vladik didn't like)
I'm ready to really focus on my kids for the last 3 weeks of their summer vacation.
I'm ready to celebrate our 10 year anniversary... which was July 28th, but because we didn't get anyone else background checked, we couldn't leave Vladik with another family member.
I'm ready to sleep until 6:30 (long story)
I ache for the families who are pursuing adoption.
New Horizons policy is that you're not allowed to talk about the "A" word AT ALL with your host kids... even if you're planning on adopting. There are too many things that could derail a potential adoption.... and so many things that need to go just right.
Can you imagine how completely crushed a child would be if they knew ahead of time that their host parents wanted to adopt them.... but then for some reason, they couldn't... that those parents never came for them?!
At this point, I don't even know if those families know if their host child is even available for adoption.
I can't even imagine those good byes.
All the Ukrainian kids left today.
The Latvian kids leave Thursday.
Please pray for those who are travelling today....and for those who will be travelling later this week.
Even if one is ready for things to get back to "normal"... it's still not an easy good bye.
We made it to the airport... after RIDICULOUS traffic/construction on the turnpike, and Vladik is headed home.
But I should start at the beginning.... like with yesterday.
Sunday- our last full day with Vladik.... at his request we went bowling and had ice cream for supper.He insisted he'd been bowling before, and that he DID NOT want the bumpers up like Joe and Kyle.
Well, if he'd been bowling before... maybe it was a different kind of bowling-- Ukrainian style. Maybe it's like checkers and UNO... the rules are different.
Lets just way it was a good thing there weren't people in the lanes to either side of us as Vladik's ball often landed NOT in our lane. :-)
For supper we went to Cold Stone. He was quite taken with the peanut butter ice cream, but nearly broke a tooth on the Snickers bar they put in it.
When we got home the boys immediately went out to ride their bikes. It was hot... still... but this was their last real chance to ride down the barn bank, race, chase each other etc.... together. They were having so much fun, I didn't want to bring Joe and Kyle in at bedtime. Watching them was bittersweet.After Vladik's arrival, it didn't take me long to figure out that he always did better if he knew what was going to happen the next day. So we'd gotten in the habit, before he want to bed, of going over the next day's schedule. Not that is was set in stone or anything, but I think if gave him a sense of security... knowing what was planned.
I reminded him--- like he NEEDED reminding--- that he was flying home the next day.
I told him that his flight left at 4pm, and that we needed to be at the airport by 1(ish).. which meant we needed to leave our house around 10am.
Vladik got very agitated... not upset, but he was desperately... earnestly trying tell me something.
"Here it comes", I thought... this is where he tells me he doesn't want to go back to Ukraine and that he wants us to adopt him. In truth, I'd been kind of waiting for it and so I thought I was prepared.
NOPE.
As in no, he didn't mention adoption or not going back.
He said he needed to take 2 soccer balls back with him. Mind you, this is at 10pm... and his bags are nearly packed (and already full to overflowing.)
Confused, and a little surprised, I asked him where he was going to put them? He said he would "download" (deflate) them and stick them in his backpack. Of course there wasn't room, and I WASN'T going to WalMart to buy 2 soccer balls- so I told him no.
So he begged.
"No. I'm sorry Vladik, but there just isn't space, even if you deflated the balls."
So he started pouting... and then crying.
He was so emotional, he stormed off- up to bed and almost didn't let me tuck him in.
Of course, I did anyway--- telling him it was ok to be sad... it was ok to cry.
He was still crying when I turned out the light.... and so was I.
I'm sure he was a little angry with me telling him "no", but I think most of it was the fact that he was leaving. He never said he wanted to stay... he never said he didn't want to go back... he didn't have to.
Then there were my dreams last night. I had a LOUSY nights sleep.
I kept dreaming that Vladik had snuck out in the middle of the night to keep from going back to Ukraine. In one dream, we finally found him hiding in the barn-- long after his flight had left and after calling the sheriff to start a search party. In another he'd hitch hiked to Disney World. (Weird, I know.. but you know how dreams are.) But I woke up from each one panicked and in a cold sweat.
This morning he was very reserved, and a little sick to his stomach I think-- he didn't eat much breakfast. As we finished stuffing the last of the clothes in his suitcase and getting last minute items, he asked/begged about the soccer ball again... only this time he asked for just one. Still, the answer was no.
When it was time to go, I dropped Joe and Kyle off at my MIL's.
As the three boys said their goodbyes, they all exhibited typical boy behavior.
A hug (which was more like a tackle).... a "goodbye"... and then a little wrestling and other miscellaneous physical shenanigans.
It was cute. And heartbreaking.
Joe let Vladik play his DS on the way to the airport. I warned Vladik ahead of time that he might get car sick if he played it while we were driving. He shrugged. Typical kid... What does Mom know?!
Well, about 20 minutes into the drive... he got car sick.
Luckily he gave me fair warning and I was able to pull over to the side of the road before he puked all over the inside of the car. Thank you, LORD! THAT would have been a miserable ride there and back. Y U C K!
Not long after we hit the turnpike there was traffic... and construction... and traffic... and three lanes merging into one... and traffic. ARRRGH! It was stop and go for 5 miles and 45 minutes. GREAT! Now we were behind schedule!
Then when we hit Toledo, man did it rain! I mean a DOWNPOUR!! Lots of lightning, heavy, heavy rain... I nearly had to pull over because I couldn't see. Luckily the storm was short lived and we were only about 30 minutes late to our rendezvous with the rest of the host families.
Vladik was glad to see the other kids, but I think he had mixed feelings about leaving. I KNOW he's excited to see his friends again, but I also know that he didn't want to leave. Conflicting emotions that I'm sure were hard to reconcile.
 |
| Waiting in the security checkpoint line. |
And THAT'S when I lost it. Not all crazy emotional, uncontrollable sobbing... just tears.
Vladik wasn't the only one with conflicting emotions.
To be completely honest-- I was ready for him to leave.
There I said it.
I was ready for him to leave-- and I felt guilty about that.
Not guilty because we weren't adopting... but guilty because I KNOW what I was sending him back to.
It's not that we didn't enjoy having him here... because we did! It was a wonderful... albeit challenging experience for all of us. It stretched me in ways I'm sure I'm not completely aware of. It opened my eyes to a lot of things... issues.. problems...a different culture...a different society.
And now that I *know* about those issues, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with that knowledge.
But yes, I was ready for Vladik to leave. (And saying it twice doesn't make me feel any less heartless.)
I'm ready for it to just be the four of us again.
I'm ready to not be glued to google translate. Type... translate... back translate... revise... translate... back translate, etc.
I'm ready to have my evening time with Rick back.
I'm ready to be able to leave the house by 8am to get errands run.
I'm ready to eat PIZZA again! (which Vladik didn't like)
I'm ready to really focus on my kids for the last 3 weeks of their summer vacation.
I'm ready to celebrate our 10 year anniversary... which was July 28th, but because we didn't get anyone else background checked, we couldn't leave Vladik with another family member.
I'm ready to sleep until 6:30 (long story)
I ache for the families who are pursuing adoption.
New Horizons policy is that you're not allowed to talk about the "A" word AT ALL with your host kids... even if you're planning on adopting. There are too many things that could derail a potential adoption.... and so many things that need to go just right.
Can you imagine how completely crushed a child would be if they knew ahead of time that their host parents wanted to adopt them.... but then for some reason, they couldn't... that those parents never came for them?!
At this point, I don't even know if those families know if their host child is even available for adoption.
I can't even imagine those good byes.
All the Ukrainian kids left today.
The Latvian kids leave Thursday.
Please pray for those who are travelling today....and for those who will be travelling later this week.
Even if one is ready for things to get back to "normal"... it's still not an easy good bye.
O I am so glad you took him in your home. What an experience it was for you all. Even though I didn't get to meet him, your blog made me feel close to him & feel like I knew him. I will pray hard for him as he adjusts and that he is adopted. Thank you for sharing this experience with me.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your very honest post Marty. I must say, I was feeling the same way by the end of hosting. It's nice for life to go back to 'normal' but it's kind of a new normal because hosting can change you so much. Thanks for giving Vlad a summer he will never forget! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not at all happy Anya left, but I can relate to the relief of ending the charade of "giving a kid who has nothing as many memories, experiences and fun as you can cram into 5 weeks". I'm exhausted.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can send him a care package back with the New Horizons group going to Ukraine in September and put a deflated soccer ball in there for him.
Very sad day here at our house. The first time we hosted Misha, I felt some of what you're describing -- it was wonderful but stressful hosting him, energizing but also tiring, etc. This time was different, though. There was no part of me that was ready for him to go, not one cell. I think it's because we've spent the past months working so hard to get him here forever. Having him leave took a lot out of me. I feel like I'm dealing with a death, yet I know he will be back. I trust God's plan for him, but wow, I'm reeling today. By the way, I haven't had good luck with Misha receiving packages at his orphanage. I would suggest you send with someone who is going to Ukraine instead. In fact, when we go to adopt, we can take gifts for Vlad if you like.
ReplyDelete