A new adventure...

It's been 3 months to the day since my last post and I wasn't expecting to pick this blog back up until next summer.
We really weren't planning on rehosting until summer.

Like most other families, we have a busy, busy Christmas season. Lots going on. Commitments to honor, schedules to keep, places to go, people to see.
We didn't really want an added responsibility... something else on our plate.
Or so we thought.

I'd been monitoring the photo listing of the kids available for hosting since it was released. I'd picked my "favorites" and kept checking to see if they'd been chosen.  We really weren't planning on hosting over Christmas... HONEST. I was just watching and praying for the ones I was keeping my eye on.

No, we weren't planning on rehosting quite this soon, but the Lord knew better.
And once we felt the nudge, well, we could think of a million good reasons to host, and not one good reason to not host.

So, we are expecting 16 year old Mareks in early December.
Mareks is from Latvia, speaks some English, (YAY!).... and that's about all we know at this point.

There's a bigger age difference between Mareks and Joe and Kyle than what we had with Vladik, and to be honest, I'm not sure how that will all work out.
The fact that he speaks some English is HUGE!  I can't even tell you how much easier it's going to make things. Also, for whatever reason (maybe his age?), Mareks is not available for adoption. So that decision has been taken completely out of our hands.

I'm excited for this new experience.
As with Vladik, my prayer is that Mareks see the love of family and feel the love of Christ while he's here.

Speaking of Vladik, at this point, he's not been hosted yet. The deadline for Ukrainian children is fast approaching and he is one of a few with sizeable scholarships.  Please join me in praying for a host family for him.

I'm sure you're wondering why we didn't just rehost Vladik?
There are many reasons, but the two big ones are:
First, Vladik is not the one to which we were led.
Second, I didn't want to remove him from the "available" list and take away his chance of finding his forever family.

I don't know that I'll be as faithful with my blogging as I was during Vladik's stay, but I'll do my best.
Please pray for us as we prepare our home and our hearts for Mareks' arrival. Pray that this will be a fantastic experience for him and that above all else, he see Jesus in me.

Final Thoughts...

Vladik has been gone for a week.
In that time, I've gotten a lot of questions about our hosting experience.

Surprisingly, some questions have come from strangers...
Like the WalMart cashier who checked us out while Vladik was here....
Or the girl at Subway who recognized us from the newspaper article...
And the lady who was getting a mani/pedi while I was getting my haircut...

Some have come from friends at church... from MOPS... from family.

So I thought I would address these questions as best as I can, as I'm sure they're not the only ones wondering. But first, I want to direct you to a couple of links...

I posted some time ago about the "Carboard Testimonies" that New Horizons was putting together. I don't know if this is the final cut, but I wanted you to be able to see it...
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2203054753019&comments

Also, if you're interested in seeing more of the pics I took while Vladik was here, the following is a link to an album I put together to send to him.
http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=bcf174cf3de8aac3&sid=0AZuWrlo4aMmTj4

Ok.. on to the questions.

1. Are you going to adopt Vladik?
No. Rick and I entered this hosting program not expecting or anticipating adoption. That's not to say that we won't at some point in the future... just not at this time. I will also say that had we had that "connection" with Vladik... the feeling that our family is not complete without him, I might be answering differently.
Let me also clarify that New Horizons is NOT an adoption agency. They run HOSTING programs.
Do they hope and pray that the host kids find their forever families while they're here? Of course they do! But they are NOT an adoption agency.

2. How much did it cost?
In truth, I don't know. Hosting fees are $2500, but that does not include what we spent on him while he was here. I will also say that Vladik had a scholarship-- so we didn't have to pay the full amount. New Horizons is a 501c3 organization, so contributions can be made to them just like you would give to your church, or any other charitable organization. Someone (or someones) had designated their contributions go to Vladik to reduce his hosting fees. The availability of scholarships can be the deciding factor on whether or not a family can afford to host a child. I know it made a difference for us.

3. Does/Did he speak English?
Yes and no.
What he knew when he arrived was self taught.
We worked on his English quite a bit while he was here. They say that immersion is the fastest way to learn a new language, so I know he picked up a lot. He understood more that he spoke and only spoke in English when necessary.  I sent him home with the flashcards and workbooks that we'd been using. I hope he continues to work on it.

4. How did he get picked to come?
First off, the children volunteer to be a part of the hosting program.
Those that want to come to The US (and not all of them do), must then be interviewed by a team from New Horizons. The interview team decides who gets to come and who doesn't. But just because the kids are given the "ok", doesn't mean it's all set. A family then has to step up and choose a child to host. And not all children are chosen. I know Vladik had at least one friend who went through the interview, etc., but was never chosen by a host family.

5. How long was he here?
Vladik was here for 5 weeks. Summer hosting is about 5 weeks, winter hosting is about 4.

6. Will you host Vladik again?
We are not hosting this winter. I'd like to host again next summer, but Rick and I haven't talked about it yet. But to answer the question...
My understanding is, the only way we can re-host the same child is if we were pursuing adoption.... OR if it was getting toward the "choosing deadline" and he'd not been picked by another family. Those specific "re-host rules" are put in place by the Ukra*nian and Latv*an governments. (I think).

7.  How did you hear about New Horizons?
I was wasting time on facebook and saw an ad. I clicked... and the rest can be read about here in my blog.

8. What's next for Vladik? Will you ever hear from him again or know if he gets adopted?
Unfortunately, because of his age Vladik is not a good candidate for adoption. It has nothing to do with his personality, temperament, abilities, IQ, general demeanor, or his work ethic. The truth is, he's 13--almost 14. And people don't adopt teenagers.   Now, while that's not ENTIRELY true, it's not too much of an exaggeration.  I doubt very much I'll ever hear directly from Vladik. The language barrier being what it is, it's not like he can sit down and write me a letter. I hope to see pictures when the interview team from New Horizons goes to Ukra*ne later this month; and if he's hosted by another family this winter, maybe I can see photos then. I'll be sending a package for him with the interview team, and possibly one for his birthday. Beyond that, I don't know.

9. How did your boys adjust?
Pretty well. They were all gracious and understanding the first week or two, but it was obvious when the newness wore off. After that, Vladik was just another member of the family as far as Joe and Kyle were concerned. They both liked having someone (besides each other) to play with; and because Vladik tended to play rougher than what they were used to, they (especially Joe) learned some valuable lessons about what it's like to be the "little" kid.

10. What did you learn?
A lot!
I could go on and on about all the things I learned-- about parenting... about boys... about patience... teaching... understanding... compassion.. and more.
But mostly, I learned about love.
I think a lot of times, we think of love as the world does.
That it's something you feel. It's emotional. It's butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms.

But I learned over the last 5 weeks, that love is a VERB.
Love is not so much what we say... although I think that's important too.
But love is ACTION. Love is what we DO.

1 John 3:18 sums it up:
Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity.

My time with Vladik taught me love with deliberation....

To love on purpose.... whether I "feel" like it or not.

So.
How's YOUR love life?

On his way home

Well, it's done. I'm home, and Vladik is in the air. (Last I checked he was flying over Nova Scotia.)

We made it to the airport... after RIDICULOUS traffic/construction on the turnpike, and Vladik is headed home.

But I should start at the beginning.... like with yesterday.

Sunday- our last full day with Vladik.... at his request we went bowling and had ice cream for supper.

He insisted he'd been bowling before, and that he DID NOT want the bumpers up like Joe and Kyle.

Well, if he'd been bowling before... maybe it was a different kind of bowling-- Ukrainian style. Maybe it's like checkers and UNO... the rules are different.

Lets just way it was a good thing there weren't people in the lanes to either side of us as Vladik's ball often landed NOT in our lane. :-)

For supper we went to Cold Stone. He was quite taken with the peanut butter ice cream, but nearly broke a tooth on the Snickers bar they put in it.

When we got home the boys immediately went out to ride their bikes. It was hot... still... but this was their last real chance to ride down the barn bank, race, chase each other etc.... together. They were having so much fun, I  didn't want to bring Joe and Kyle in at bedtime. Watching them was bittersweet.

After Vladik's arrival, it didn't take me long to figure out that he always did better if he knew what was going to happen the next day. So we'd gotten in the habit, before he want to bed, of going over the next day's schedule.  Not that is was set in stone or anything, but I think if gave him a sense of security... knowing what was planned.

I reminded him--- like he NEEDED reminding--- that he was flying home the next day.
I told him that his flight left at 4pm, and that we needed to be at the airport by 1(ish).. which meant we needed to leave our house around 10am.
Vladik got very agitated... not upset, but he was desperately... earnestly trying tell me something.

"Here it comes", I thought... this is where he tells me he doesn't want to go back to Ukraine and that he wants us to adopt him.  In truth, I'd been kind of waiting for it and so I thought I was prepared.

NOPE.

As in no, he didn't mention adoption or not going back.
He said he needed to take 2 soccer balls back with him. Mind you, this is at 10pm... and his bags are nearly packed (and already full to overflowing.)
Confused, and a little surprised, I asked him where he was going to put them?  He said he would "download" (deflate) them and stick them in his backpack. Of course there wasn't room, and I WASN'T going to WalMart to buy 2 soccer balls- so I told him no.
So he begged.
"No. I'm sorry Vladik, but there just isn't space, even if you deflated the balls."
So he started pouting... and then crying.

He was so emotional, he stormed off- up to bed and almost didn't let me tuck him in.
Of course, I did anyway--- telling him it was ok to be sad... it was ok to cry.
He was still crying when I turned out the light.... and so was I.
I'm sure he was a little angry with me telling him "no", but I think most of it was the fact that he was leaving. He never said he wanted to stay... he never said he didn't want to go back... he didn't have to.

Then there were my dreams last night. I had a LOUSY nights sleep.
I kept dreaming that Vladik had snuck out in the middle of the night to keep from going back to Ukraine. In one dream, we finally found him hiding in the barn-- long after his flight had left and after calling the sheriff to start a search party. In another he'd hitch hiked to Disney World. (Weird, I know.. but you know how dreams are.) But I woke up from each one panicked and in a cold sweat.

This morning he was very reserved, and a little sick to his stomach I think-- he didn't eat much breakfast. As we finished stuffing the last of the clothes in his suitcase and getting last minute items, he asked/begged about the soccer ball again... only this time he asked for just one. Still, the answer was no.

When it was time to go, I dropped Joe and Kyle off at my MIL's.
As the three boys said their goodbyes, they all exhibited typical boy behavior.
A hug (which was more like a tackle).... a "goodbye"... and then a little wrestling and other miscellaneous physical shenanigans.

It was cute. And heartbreaking.

Joe let Vladik play his DS on the way to the airport.  I warned Vladik ahead of time that he might get car sick if he played it while we were driving. He shrugged. Typical kid... What does Mom know?!

Well, about 20 minutes into the drive... he got car sick.
Luckily he gave me fair warning and I was able to pull over to the side of the road before he puked all over the inside of the car. Thank you, LORD! THAT would have been a miserable ride there and back. Y U C K!

Not long after we hit the turnpike there was traffic... and construction... and traffic... and three lanes merging into one... and traffic. ARRRGH! It was stop and go for 5 miles and 45 minutes. GREAT! Now we were behind schedule!
Then when we hit Toledo, man did it rain! I mean a DOWNPOUR!! Lots of lightning, heavy, heavy rain... I nearly had to pull over because I couldn't see. Luckily the storm was short lived and we were only about 30 minutes late to our rendezvous with the rest of the host families.

Vladik was glad to see the other kids, but I think he had mixed feelings about leaving. I KNOW he's excited to see his friends again, but I also know that he didn't want to leave. Conflicting emotions that I'm sure were hard to reconcile.

Waiting in the security checkpoint line.

We got all the kids' bags checked, we said our good byes, and the kids and their chaperone, got in line for security.
And THAT'S when I lost it. Not all crazy emotional, uncontrollable sobbing... just tears.
Vladik wasn't the only one with conflicting emotions.

To be completely honest-- I was ready for him to leave.
There I said it.
I was ready for him to leave-- and I felt guilty about that.
Not guilty because we weren't adopting... but guilty because I KNOW what I was sending him back to.

It's not that we didn't enjoy having him here... because we did! It was a wonderful... albeit challenging experience for all of us. It stretched me in ways I'm sure I'm not completely aware of. It opened my eyes to a lot of things... issues.. problems...a different culture...a different society.
And now that I *know* about those issues, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with that knowledge.

But yes, I was ready for Vladik to leave. (And saying it twice doesn't make me feel any less heartless.)

I'm ready for it to just be the four of us again.
I'm ready to not be glued to google translate. Type... translate... back translate... revise... translate... back translate, etc.
I'm ready to have my evening time with Rick back.
I'm ready to be able to leave the house by 8am to get errands run.
I'm ready to eat PIZZA again! (which Vladik didn't like)
I'm ready to really focus on my kids for the last 3 weeks of their summer vacation.
I'm ready to celebrate our 10 year anniversary... which was July 28th, but because we didn't get anyone else background checked, we couldn't leave Vladik with another family member.
I'm ready to sleep until 6:30 (long story)

I ache for the families who are pursuing adoption.
New Horizons policy is that you're not allowed to talk about the "A" word AT ALL with your host kids... even if you're planning on adopting. There are too many things that could derail a potential adoption.... and so many things that need to go just right.
Can you imagine how completely crushed a child would be if they knew ahead of time that their host parents wanted to adopt them.... but then for some reason, they couldn't... that those parents never came for them?!
At this point, I don't even know if those families know if their host child is even available for adoption.
I can't even imagine those good byes.

All the Ukrainian kids left today.
The Latvian kids leave Thursday.

Please pray for those who are travelling today....and for those who will be travelling later this week.

Even if one is ready for things to get back to "normal"... it's still not an easy good bye.

We packed Vladik's suitcase last night.
Even *I* was impressed with how much stuff I crammed in there!  I have one more load of laundry to do tonight- mostly the stuff he wore over the weekend, but I'm not entirely sure where I'm going to put it. I got the suitcase in under the maximum weight of 50#.. but in order to do so, Vladik's backpack is SO FULL! I would guess that together, the suitcase and backpack weigh nearly as much as he does. (But from the facebook postings of other host parents... I'm not the only one!)

Joe asked a couple of days ago if he could come with me to take Vladik to the airport.
I told him yes, but that he needed to understand that it wasn't going to be a quick trip... that we would be gone much of the day. And then his ulterior motives surfaced...
"Mom, if I come with you, can I play my DS?"
"Well, sure, some."
"Can I play it ALL DAY?"
As soon as I said "no" to that, he wasn't interested in coming with me anymore.

Thus far, Vladik has been very stoic about preparing to leave. No emotions, no tears, no.. nothing.
I wish I knew what he was thinking and feeling.... though I can guess.

On the other hand, it may be easier for me that I don't know.  If he knew more English, he'd be able to tell me EXACTLY what he's feeling.
Would that make it harder to say goodbye?
Probably.
Maybe it's better not knowing.

At Vladik's request, we're going bowling tonight and having ice cream for supper.
I think we'll take him to Cold Stone.

I've attached 3 links.
The first is for New Horizons, the organization through which we hosted Vladik.
http://www.newhorizonsforchildren.org/

The 2nd is a video about human trafficking in Russia- which is an eastern neighbor to Ukraine. 

This happens all over the world, not just Eastern Europe. 

But the girls "graduating" from orphanages (somewhere around age 16) are more at risk... in particular, girls from Ukrainian orphanages.

http://vimeo.com/21728731

The 3rd link is about street kids in Ukraine. I'll warn you ahead of time, that there is some bad language in it- but it's subtitled.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2011/apr/05/ukraine-lost-children-video

I hope these videos effect you as they did me.

Our final Thursday and Friday...

It's been pretty low-key around here the last 2 days.
Vladik has had a few bouts of moodiness--- which considering he flies home on Monday... it's to be expected.

There have been a lot of neat moments during his time here.
But I think my favorite occurred last night.
Rick was changing the oil in his truck and rotating the tires... and he had Vladik help.

The two of them were a little slow to warm up to each other... in part because Rick was so busy in the fields for the first 3 weeks of Vladik's stay; but it was really neat to see this bit of bonding between them.
I don't know if Vladik will ever need the skills/words Rick was teaching him... lug nuts, in which direction to rotate the tires, how to measure the tread depth, using the star pattern, etc. But whether or not he uses or remembers it, isn't really the point.
It was a moment. 30 minutes of "guy time" doing "guy things."

It was neat to see.

What is it with men and power tools, anyway? Is it testosterone driven?

I have pretty much everything we need to send home with Vladik- short of a winter coat. I called Goodwill this afternoon to see if they had their winter stuff out yet, and they DO have some. So we'll be making a quick trip to town tomorrow to see if we can find anything useful.

I've had some wonderful friends donate items for Vladik's return trip: a suitcase, a backpack, activity books, etc.  I am so thankful for their support and willingness to help!

After we get back from Goodwill (with or without a coat), we'll start packing. It may seem a little premature, but I need to see what kind of room he's going to have to figure out what he can or can't take home with him. There's a weight limit to consider as well, so I'll have to nix most of the books, etc., I had originally thought about sending home.

We have just the weekend left- and that's it.

We have to be in Detroit at 1pm on Monday.

The time has gone unbelievably fast- and even though we're not adopting, I hope we've given Vladik a glimpse of how things *could* be... the idea of something different than what he's known. Certainly not the family dynamics seen on TV... we're neither the Cleavers, the Simpsons nor the Bundys; but I hope he's felt loved...
I hope he's felt wanted...
I hope he's felt safe...
I hope he's felt included...
and whether or not he understands it, I hope he's seen the difference Christ can make in the life of an individual, and in the life of a family.

Yesterday... Our final Wedensday

We had a GREAT day yesterday... although truth be told, it didn't start out that way!

Rick took the day off-- which is always a treat... and we drove up to Port Clinton and Lake Erie. But I'm getting ahead my self.

Our plan was to leave the house by 8:30 or 9am.
For those of you who have kids who don't get up at the crack of dawn, I realize that to be out of the house by 8:30 in the morning- especially during the summer- seems ridiculously early. But my kids are usually up by 6:30... Joe sometimes earlier.. so 8:30 is not an unreasonable departure time.

Well, Vladik picked yesterday to sleep in even later than his usual 8:00.
When he STILL wasn't up by 9:30, I went and woke him up.
Normally I would have let him sleep; but I'd been hearing... every 3 minutes... since the rest of us ate breakfast that morning... "is it time to go yet?"... "when are we leaving?"

So we finally left by about 10.

We got 15 miles up the road, and the tire pressure monitor in the car started going off. ARRRGH!
So Rick got out and looked at the tires-- nothing was OBVIOUSLY wrong, but you never know.
So, we turned around and drove home. Turns out 3 of the 4 tires were 15# low. So... an hour after starting out the 1st time, we were on our way again.

We ate lunch at McDonalds... which according to Vladik and my kids... is ALWAYS appropriate, and we headed over to the African Safari Wildlife Park in Port Clinton.

I got a great deal on tickets through Groupon, so rather than paying $84 to get us all in, it was $25 for the 5 of us.  The entry fee included a little pony ride and a camel ride for each kid, plus a large cup of food for the animals.

Driving through the park and feeding the animals as they stuck their heads in the car is quite possibly Vladik's favorite moment from his whole time here with us. He was SO animated!

He, Joe and Kyle laughed so hard, I really thought they were going to make themselves sick! I tried to get pictures of Vladik feeding the animals, but the angle
was too awkward.

He was all grins on the pony camel rides as well. He liked the idea that he was maybe the only host kid from Ukraine who got to ride a camel on his trip to America.

Say "hello" to my little friend  :-)

After our adventure at the African Safari, we went in search of a public beach. We found one just up the road and the boys spent a couple of hours swimming and splashing in the water. 

I'm embarrassed to say that after living in Ohio for 12 years, it was my first actual trip to a Lake Erie beach. I wasn't quite as impressed as the kids were, but I supposed that has to do with the fact that many of my "growing-up years" were spent in Southern California where we frequented the "real" beach.
Regardless, they had a great time... despite the dead fish and the water snakes.

We cleaned up and headed over to Sandusky for supper, but on the way we stopped at Marblehead to see the lighthouse.  It was starting to get cloudy and the waves were starting to pick up... the boys enjoyed sitting on the rocks watching people fish.

Joe and Vladik both feel asleep on the way home, and even though I KNOW he was tired, we stayed up and worked on his English after the boys went to bed.

Vladik's personality just exploded yesterday. I don't know if it was because Rick was with us, or if it was just timing; but it was a joy to see!

Our final Tuesday...

Yesterday, Vladik had his final dentist appointment.
It went REALLY, REALLY well.
The nerve to the tooth in question was completely dead, so no shots were needed. There was no pain and no discomfort for Vladik - which after our last visit, I was really grateful for. He listened to Lecrae the whole time and I was able to talk to Dr. Garrison and the staff about New Horizons and our hosting experience.
They had a lot of questions, and  I was doubly glad Vladik had his earphones in. I always feel funny talking about him and his situation in front of him.

So--- 2 hours, a root canal, and a new tooth later.... he was smiling BIG! There have been a lot of smiles this week.

I'm SO grateful for Dr. Garrison and his staff... they took such good care of us!

My parents sent us a tetherball set AGES ago.
Rick, bless his heart... who has WAY to much to do... finally got it set up this afternoon.

I CLEARLY remember playing tetherball in the 3rd grade. That and playing "Frogger" with the massive row of swings on the playground were my favorite things to to at recess. Oh-- and trading scratch-n-sniff stickers. :-)   I think I remember one that was supposed to smell like tires. EWWW.

We went swimming this afternoon as well. For as often as it seems we go swimming, you'd think they'd all be waterlogged, but that doesn't seem to be the case. :-)