Help Needed!

Ok. So I know many of my readers are local... and I need your help.

There are 12 Latvian orphans arriving at Akron/Canton on December 11th. Along with them will be a Latvian chaperone. Her name is Sandra and she's in her early 50's. I'm still waiting to find out if she speaks English.

We, the other host families and us, are looking for places for her to stay. Before you immediately say "no"... here's a little more info for you...

1. She does not have to stay with one family for the entire 4 weeks. If you can open your home for just one week, that would be AWESOME!

2. There is no fee to host a chaperone. They get a small weekly(?) stipend while they're here. I will note however, that there is some financial involvement as you'll be feeding them, letting them do their laundry, etc.. Also, if your family goes out to eat or to see a movie or something, it would be appropriate for you to pay for the chaperone as well.

3. You will not be completely responsible for her entertainment during her sojourn with you. As host families,  as long as we're within a reasonable driving distance we're to spend time with her as well.

4. I know you're thinking "What would I do with her??!!"  I'm SO GLAD YOU ASKED! :-)
Go look at Christmas lights,  see The Nutcracker, attend your church's Christmas Cantata, share in your family Christmas traditions, learn to cook a traditional Latvian meal, go to a museum, plan family movie night, take her Christmas shopping with you, have a family game night, string popcorn for your tree, take her to a MOPS meeting, attend a Christmas Eve service at church, go caroling... maybe she can teach YOU something!

5. If not you, do you know of someone who might be interested? Someone at church perhaps, or a neighbor, an in-law or a friend?  Help me spread the word.  Give them the link to my blog, or send them directly to the New Horizons website www.newhorizonsforchildren.org.

If you (or someone you know) is interested, please fill out this pre-application:
pre-application
and you'll be contacted by someone with New Horizons.

Thanks for praying about and considering this. You could be a HUGE blessing to someone far away from home and family.

PS... I still don't know if the chaperone speaks any English, but here's a little more about her (as copied from the NHFC website):


Sandra has been an orphanage director for 15 years. She has a Master's degree in Pedagogy which is like a Master's in Education in the USA. She is married with 3 grown sons: ages 20, 22 and 24. She likes to read books, knit, and participate in Latvian National Dance and travel whenever possible. She is not afraid of new situations and can't wait to go to the USA with kids! This is a welcome chance for her! In the USA she would like to see nature and wants to discover what she has heard about US citizens who openly offer friendship and hospitality!

Thanksgiving

Thankgiving is a time for many things... good food, good friends, good family, good fellowship... great memories, and a time to really think about and be grateful for all the many blessings we have.

I know that our version of Thanksgiving is rooted in our national history, but I wonder if other countries have their own version of the holiday?  If Mareks (or Vladik) were celebrating Thanksgiving in their orphanages today, I wonder if they would have anything for which to be thankful?

Good food.....?
Good friends...?
Good family....?
Good fellowship....?
Great memories.....?
An overabundance of blessings.....?

We have so much more than we know... so much more than we understand.

This Thanksgiving, as you overindulge in food and football, please take a moment to think about and pray for the 150+ orphans who will be coming to the US for Christmas. The Latvian kids come in just a couple of weeks with the ones from Ukraine arriving a few days later.  This is an opportunity of a lifetime for them-- and for the host families. For some kids, this is their last chance to find a forever family as they will soon "age out".  For others, they're already past the age they can be adopted. Many are coming to America for the first time. For most, this is the farthest they've ever been from home. Separated from their friends, familiar surroundings, unable to communicate easily; plopped down in a culture and society they don't know or understand.

Pray for the host families- both 1st timers and veterans. Pray for patience, understanding, and love.

Pray for the eyes of others to be opened. Pray for hearts to be burdened and lives to be changed.

A new adventure...

It's been 3 months to the day since my last post and I wasn't expecting to pick this blog back up until next summer.
We really weren't planning on rehosting until summer.

Like most other families, we have a busy, busy Christmas season. Lots going on. Commitments to honor, schedules to keep, places to go, people to see.
We didn't really want an added responsibility... something else on our plate.
Or so we thought.

I'd been monitoring the photo listing of the kids available for hosting since it was released. I'd picked my "favorites" and kept checking to see if they'd been chosen.  We really weren't planning on hosting over Christmas... HONEST. I was just watching and praying for the ones I was keeping my eye on.

No, we weren't planning on rehosting quite this soon, but the Lord knew better.
And once we felt the nudge, well, we could think of a million good reasons to host, and not one good reason to not host.

So, we are expecting 16 year old Mareks in early December.
Mareks is from Latvia, speaks some English, (YAY!).... and that's about all we know at this point.

There's a bigger age difference between Mareks and Joe and Kyle than what we had with Vladik, and to be honest, I'm not sure how that will all work out.
The fact that he speaks some English is HUGE!  I can't even tell you how much easier it's going to make things. Also, for whatever reason (maybe his age?), Mareks is not available for adoption. So that decision has been taken completely out of our hands.

I'm excited for this new experience.
As with Vladik, my prayer is that Mareks see the love of family and feel the love of Christ while he's here.

Speaking of Vladik, at this point, he's not been hosted yet. The deadline for Ukrainian children is fast approaching and he is one of a few with sizeable scholarships.  Please join me in praying for a host family for him.

I'm sure you're wondering why we didn't just rehost Vladik?
There are many reasons, but the two big ones are:
First, Vladik is not the one to which we were led.
Second, I didn't want to remove him from the "available" list and take away his chance of finding his forever family.

I don't know that I'll be as faithful with my blogging as I was during Vladik's stay, but I'll do my best.
Please pray for us as we prepare our home and our hearts for Mareks' arrival. Pray that this will be a fantastic experience for him and that above all else, he see Jesus in me.

Final Thoughts...

Vladik has been gone for a week.
In that time, I've gotten a lot of questions about our hosting experience.

Surprisingly, some questions have come from strangers...
Like the WalMart cashier who checked us out while Vladik was here....
Or the girl at Subway who recognized us from the newspaper article...
And the lady who was getting a mani/pedi while I was getting my haircut...

Some have come from friends at church... from MOPS... from family.

So I thought I would address these questions as best as I can, as I'm sure they're not the only ones wondering. But first, I want to direct you to a couple of links...

I posted some time ago about the "Carboard Testimonies" that New Horizons was putting together. I don't know if this is the final cut, but I wanted you to be able to see it...
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2203054753019&comments

Also, if you're interested in seeing more of the pics I took while Vladik was here, the following is a link to an album I put together to send to him.
http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=bcf174cf3de8aac3&sid=0AZuWrlo4aMmTj4

Ok.. on to the questions.

1. Are you going to adopt Vladik?
No. Rick and I entered this hosting program not expecting or anticipating adoption. That's not to say that we won't at some point in the future... just not at this time. I will also say that had we had that "connection" with Vladik... the feeling that our family is not complete without him, I might be answering differently.
Let me also clarify that New Horizons is NOT an adoption agency. They run HOSTING programs.
Do they hope and pray that the host kids find their forever families while they're here? Of course they do! But they are NOT an adoption agency.

2. How much did it cost?
In truth, I don't know. Hosting fees are $2500, but that does not include what we spent on him while he was here. I will also say that Vladik had a scholarship-- so we didn't have to pay the full amount. New Horizons is a 501c3 organization, so contributions can be made to them just like you would give to your church, or any other charitable organization. Someone (or someones) had designated their contributions go to Vladik to reduce his hosting fees. The availability of scholarships can be the deciding factor on whether or not a family can afford to host a child. I know it made a difference for us.

3. Does/Did he speak English?
Yes and no.
What he knew when he arrived was self taught.
We worked on his English quite a bit while he was here. They say that immersion is the fastest way to learn a new language, so I know he picked up a lot. He understood more that he spoke and only spoke in English when necessary.  I sent him home with the flashcards and workbooks that we'd been using. I hope he continues to work on it.

4. How did he get picked to come?
First off, the children volunteer to be a part of the hosting program.
Those that want to come to The US (and not all of them do), must then be interviewed by a team from New Horizons. The interview team decides who gets to come and who doesn't. But just because the kids are given the "ok", doesn't mean it's all set. A family then has to step up and choose a child to host. And not all children are chosen. I know Vladik had at least one friend who went through the interview, etc., but was never chosen by a host family.

5. How long was he here?
Vladik was here for 5 weeks. Summer hosting is about 5 weeks, winter hosting is about 4.

6. Will you host Vladik again?
We are not hosting this winter. I'd like to host again next summer, but Rick and I haven't talked about it yet. But to answer the question...
My understanding is, the only way we can re-host the same child is if we were pursuing adoption.... OR if it was getting toward the "choosing deadline" and he'd not been picked by another family. Those specific "re-host rules" are put in place by the Ukra*nian and Latv*an governments. (I think).

7.  How did you hear about New Horizons?
I was wasting time on facebook and saw an ad. I clicked... and the rest can be read about here in my blog.

8. What's next for Vladik? Will you ever hear from him again or know if he gets adopted?
Unfortunately, because of his age Vladik is not a good candidate for adoption. It has nothing to do with his personality, temperament, abilities, IQ, general demeanor, or his work ethic. The truth is, he's 13--almost 14. And people don't adopt teenagers.   Now, while that's not ENTIRELY true, it's not too much of an exaggeration.  I doubt very much I'll ever hear directly from Vladik. The language barrier being what it is, it's not like he can sit down and write me a letter. I hope to see pictures when the interview team from New Horizons goes to Ukra*ne later this month; and if he's hosted by another family this winter, maybe I can see photos then. I'll be sending a package for him with the interview team, and possibly one for his birthday. Beyond that, I don't know.

9. How did your boys adjust?
Pretty well. They were all gracious and understanding the first week or two, but it was obvious when the newness wore off. After that, Vladik was just another member of the family as far as Joe and Kyle were concerned. They both liked having someone (besides each other) to play with; and because Vladik tended to play rougher than what they were used to, they (especially Joe) learned some valuable lessons about what it's like to be the "little" kid.

10. What did you learn?
A lot!
I could go on and on about all the things I learned-- about parenting... about boys... about patience... teaching... understanding... compassion.. and more.
But mostly, I learned about love.
I think a lot of times, we think of love as the world does.
That it's something you feel. It's emotional. It's butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms.

But I learned over the last 5 weeks, that love is a VERB.
Love is not so much what we say... although I think that's important too.
But love is ACTION. Love is what we DO.

1 John 3:18 sums it up:
Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity.

My time with Vladik taught me love with deliberation....

To love on purpose.... whether I "feel" like it or not.

So.
How's YOUR love life?

On his way home

Well, it's done. I'm home, and Vladik is in the air. (Last I checked he was flying over Nova Scotia.)

We made it to the airport... after RIDICULOUS traffic/construction on the turnpike, and Vladik is headed home.

But I should start at the beginning.... like with yesterday.

Sunday- our last full day with Vladik.... at his request we went bowling and had ice cream for supper.

He insisted he'd been bowling before, and that he DID NOT want the bumpers up like Joe and Kyle.

Well, if he'd been bowling before... maybe it was a different kind of bowling-- Ukrainian style. Maybe it's like checkers and UNO... the rules are different.

Lets just way it was a good thing there weren't people in the lanes to either side of us as Vladik's ball often landed NOT in our lane. :-)

For supper we went to Cold Stone. He was quite taken with the peanut butter ice cream, but nearly broke a tooth on the Snickers bar they put in it.

When we got home the boys immediately went out to ride their bikes. It was hot... still... but this was their last real chance to ride down the barn bank, race, chase each other etc.... together. They were having so much fun, I  didn't want to bring Joe and Kyle in at bedtime. Watching them was bittersweet.

After Vladik's arrival, it didn't take me long to figure out that he always did better if he knew what was going to happen the next day. So we'd gotten in the habit, before he want to bed, of going over the next day's schedule.  Not that is was set in stone or anything, but I think if gave him a sense of security... knowing what was planned.

I reminded him--- like he NEEDED reminding--- that he was flying home the next day.
I told him that his flight left at 4pm, and that we needed to be at the airport by 1(ish).. which meant we needed to leave our house around 10am.
Vladik got very agitated... not upset, but he was desperately... earnestly trying tell me something.

"Here it comes", I thought... this is where he tells me he doesn't want to go back to Ukraine and that he wants us to adopt him.  In truth, I'd been kind of waiting for it and so I thought I was prepared.

NOPE.

As in no, he didn't mention adoption or not going back.
He said he needed to take 2 soccer balls back with him. Mind you, this is at 10pm... and his bags are nearly packed (and already full to overflowing.)
Confused, and a little surprised, I asked him where he was going to put them?  He said he would "download" (deflate) them and stick them in his backpack. Of course there wasn't room, and I WASN'T going to WalMart to buy 2 soccer balls- so I told him no.
So he begged.
"No. I'm sorry Vladik, but there just isn't space, even if you deflated the balls."
So he started pouting... and then crying.

He was so emotional, he stormed off- up to bed and almost didn't let me tuck him in.
Of course, I did anyway--- telling him it was ok to be sad... it was ok to cry.
He was still crying when I turned out the light.... and so was I.
I'm sure he was a little angry with me telling him "no", but I think most of it was the fact that he was leaving. He never said he wanted to stay... he never said he didn't want to go back... he didn't have to.

Then there were my dreams last night. I had a LOUSY nights sleep.
I kept dreaming that Vladik had snuck out in the middle of the night to keep from going back to Ukraine. In one dream, we finally found him hiding in the barn-- long after his flight had left and after calling the sheriff to start a search party. In another he'd hitch hiked to Disney World. (Weird, I know.. but you know how dreams are.) But I woke up from each one panicked and in a cold sweat.

This morning he was very reserved, and a little sick to his stomach I think-- he didn't eat much breakfast. As we finished stuffing the last of the clothes in his suitcase and getting last minute items, he asked/begged about the soccer ball again... only this time he asked for just one. Still, the answer was no.

When it was time to go, I dropped Joe and Kyle off at my MIL's.
As the three boys said their goodbyes, they all exhibited typical boy behavior.
A hug (which was more like a tackle).... a "goodbye"... and then a little wrestling and other miscellaneous physical shenanigans.

It was cute. And heartbreaking.

Joe let Vladik play his DS on the way to the airport.  I warned Vladik ahead of time that he might get car sick if he played it while we were driving. He shrugged. Typical kid... What does Mom know?!

Well, about 20 minutes into the drive... he got car sick.
Luckily he gave me fair warning and I was able to pull over to the side of the road before he puked all over the inside of the car. Thank you, LORD! THAT would have been a miserable ride there and back. Y U C K!

Not long after we hit the turnpike there was traffic... and construction... and traffic... and three lanes merging into one... and traffic. ARRRGH! It was stop and go for 5 miles and 45 minutes. GREAT! Now we were behind schedule!
Then when we hit Toledo, man did it rain! I mean a DOWNPOUR!! Lots of lightning, heavy, heavy rain... I nearly had to pull over because I couldn't see. Luckily the storm was short lived and we were only about 30 minutes late to our rendezvous with the rest of the host families.

Vladik was glad to see the other kids, but I think he had mixed feelings about leaving. I KNOW he's excited to see his friends again, but I also know that he didn't want to leave. Conflicting emotions that I'm sure were hard to reconcile.

Waiting in the security checkpoint line.

We got all the kids' bags checked, we said our good byes, and the kids and their chaperone, got in line for security.
And THAT'S when I lost it. Not all crazy emotional, uncontrollable sobbing... just tears.
Vladik wasn't the only one with conflicting emotions.

To be completely honest-- I was ready for him to leave.
There I said it.
I was ready for him to leave-- and I felt guilty about that.
Not guilty because we weren't adopting... but guilty because I KNOW what I was sending him back to.

It's not that we didn't enjoy having him here... because we did! It was a wonderful... albeit challenging experience for all of us. It stretched me in ways I'm sure I'm not completely aware of. It opened my eyes to a lot of things... issues.. problems...a different culture...a different society.
And now that I *know* about those issues, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with that knowledge.

But yes, I was ready for Vladik to leave. (And saying it twice doesn't make me feel any less heartless.)

I'm ready for it to just be the four of us again.
I'm ready to not be glued to google translate. Type... translate... back translate... revise... translate... back translate, etc.
I'm ready to have my evening time with Rick back.
I'm ready to be able to leave the house by 8am to get errands run.
I'm ready to eat PIZZA again! (which Vladik didn't like)
I'm ready to really focus on my kids for the last 3 weeks of their summer vacation.
I'm ready to celebrate our 10 year anniversary... which was July 28th, but because we didn't get anyone else background checked, we couldn't leave Vladik with another family member.
I'm ready to sleep until 6:30 (long story)

I ache for the families who are pursuing adoption.
New Horizons policy is that you're not allowed to talk about the "A" word AT ALL with your host kids... even if you're planning on adopting. There are too many things that could derail a potential adoption.... and so many things that need to go just right.
Can you imagine how completely crushed a child would be if they knew ahead of time that their host parents wanted to adopt them.... but then for some reason, they couldn't... that those parents never came for them?!
At this point, I don't even know if those families know if their host child is even available for adoption.
I can't even imagine those good byes.

All the Ukrainian kids left today.
The Latvian kids leave Thursday.

Please pray for those who are travelling today....and for those who will be travelling later this week.

Even if one is ready for things to get back to "normal"... it's still not an easy good bye.

We packed Vladik's suitcase last night.
Even *I* was impressed with how much stuff I crammed in there!  I have one more load of laundry to do tonight- mostly the stuff he wore over the weekend, but I'm not entirely sure where I'm going to put it. I got the suitcase in under the maximum weight of 50#.. but in order to do so, Vladik's backpack is SO FULL! I would guess that together, the suitcase and backpack weigh nearly as much as he does. (But from the facebook postings of other host parents... I'm not the only one!)

Joe asked a couple of days ago if he could come with me to take Vladik to the airport.
I told him yes, but that he needed to understand that it wasn't going to be a quick trip... that we would be gone much of the day. And then his ulterior motives surfaced...
"Mom, if I come with you, can I play my DS?"
"Well, sure, some."
"Can I play it ALL DAY?"
As soon as I said "no" to that, he wasn't interested in coming with me anymore.

Thus far, Vladik has been very stoic about preparing to leave. No emotions, no tears, no.. nothing.
I wish I knew what he was thinking and feeling.... though I can guess.

On the other hand, it may be easier for me that I don't know.  If he knew more English, he'd be able to tell me EXACTLY what he's feeling.
Would that make it harder to say goodbye?
Probably.
Maybe it's better not knowing.

At Vladik's request, we're going bowling tonight and having ice cream for supper.
I think we'll take him to Cold Stone.

I've attached 3 links.
The first is for New Horizons, the organization through which we hosted Vladik.
http://www.newhorizonsforchildren.org/

The 2nd is a video about human trafficking in Russia- which is an eastern neighbor to Ukraine. 

This happens all over the world, not just Eastern Europe. 

But the girls "graduating" from orphanages (somewhere around age 16) are more at risk... in particular, girls from Ukrainian orphanages.

http://vimeo.com/21728731

The 3rd link is about street kids in Ukraine. I'll warn you ahead of time, that there is some bad language in it- but it's subtitled.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2011/apr/05/ukraine-lost-children-video

I hope these videos effect you as they did me.

Our final Thursday and Friday...

It's been pretty low-key around here the last 2 days.
Vladik has had a few bouts of moodiness--- which considering he flies home on Monday... it's to be expected.

There have been a lot of neat moments during his time here.
But I think my favorite occurred last night.
Rick was changing the oil in his truck and rotating the tires... and he had Vladik help.

The two of them were a little slow to warm up to each other... in part because Rick was so busy in the fields for the first 3 weeks of Vladik's stay; but it was really neat to see this bit of bonding between them.
I don't know if Vladik will ever need the skills/words Rick was teaching him... lug nuts, in which direction to rotate the tires, how to measure the tread depth, using the star pattern, etc. But whether or not he uses or remembers it, isn't really the point.
It was a moment. 30 minutes of "guy time" doing "guy things."

It was neat to see.

What is it with men and power tools, anyway? Is it testosterone driven?

I have pretty much everything we need to send home with Vladik- short of a winter coat. I called Goodwill this afternoon to see if they had their winter stuff out yet, and they DO have some. So we'll be making a quick trip to town tomorrow to see if we can find anything useful.

I've had some wonderful friends donate items for Vladik's return trip: a suitcase, a backpack, activity books, etc.  I am so thankful for their support and willingness to help!

After we get back from Goodwill (with or without a coat), we'll start packing. It may seem a little premature, but I need to see what kind of room he's going to have to figure out what he can or can't take home with him. There's a weight limit to consider as well, so I'll have to nix most of the books, etc., I had originally thought about sending home.

We have just the weekend left- and that's it.

We have to be in Detroit at 1pm on Monday.

The time has gone unbelievably fast- and even though we're not adopting, I hope we've given Vladik a glimpse of how things *could* be... the idea of something different than what he's known. Certainly not the family dynamics seen on TV... we're neither the Cleavers, the Simpsons nor the Bundys; but I hope he's felt loved...
I hope he's felt wanted...
I hope he's felt safe...
I hope he's felt included...
and whether or not he understands it, I hope he's seen the difference Christ can make in the life of an individual, and in the life of a family.